I'm afraid of needles. There was a time when this fear was debilitating. When I was younger, it often took several nurses to hold me in place while I got my shots. I would generally succumb to psychological warfare though. Around three-four minutes into full on tantrum phase, my mother would quietly tell me that if I didn't calm down, the doctor might accidentally break the needle off in my arm and then there would be more needles and some cutting involved to get it out. This usually quelled the physical manifestation of fear long enough for them to give me the shot.
When I was in high school, we had a blood drive. I went because it was what everyone else was doing and, well, I wanted to be cool. In actuality, I liked the idea of giving blood. The concept was lovely - get some blood taken, save a life. Seems pretty epic, quite frankly. I decided to back out around the time we reached the gym and I remembered that there were needles involved. My friend Oscar was with me, which made my escape somewhat complicated. He'd been talking me up for a while to build my courage and I didn't want to let him down. I resolved to tell the woman doing the iron screening (making sure there was enough iron in my blood to donate) that I wanted her to pretend like it was too low.
Then I got too nervous to tell her. Then my iron came back fine. So it was off to the races. As I sat on uncomfortable chairs in the school gym, thinking about my life, I tried to space out and ignore what was about to happen. I couldn't get up and leave - that would be too conspicuous. So there was I was, trapped with imminent doom approaching.
More could've been done to comfort me.
Oscar tried his best to keep me from passing out as the minutes ticked by before we could give. We were called at the same time, him and I, and we walked over to adjoining chairs. I remember feeling deeply comforted that I had one of my best friends right next to me. "Don't worry," he said. "I got shots for my trip to Mexico a month ago and I barely felt it. You'll be fine." And I felt fine, in that moment. I finally started to relax, for the first time that day.
"OW OW OW! THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE! IT HURTS SO MUCH!"
Oscar screamed, loudly, and then looked back over at me with a huge, evil grin on his face. My eyes got big and I wanted to run. Then I heard myself laughing. It was mean and underhanded and it scared the pants off a couple people a few chairs away; but it was also hilarious. I calmed down just enough to let the woman put the needle in without needed to be restrained. Of course, I almost passed out halfway through, but that's another story.
It would be years before I could give blood again. I faked low iron at least once while I was going with friends. Then I made the decision that I had to get over my fear. There had to come a point at which needles were just a thing I dealt with and not a huge scary monster. So I started going to give blood every chance I got. Sometimes my iron was low. Sometimes I came close to passing out, but eventually I trained myself to realize that it wasn't a big deal. Though I still have no desire to watch the needles going in. Yuck.
Flash forward to August, 2010. I've mentioned a couple times that I wanted to lose some weight. I stand by that. Its important to me not to be unhealthy anymore. I decided, in the spirit of this project and of new beginnings, that I would try acupuncture as a means of facilitating weight loss. It didn't hit me until the first needle went in just how much I've changed. There was a time when I would've scoffed at even the idea of it. Now, a few years later, I was laying on a comfortable bed and marvelling at the fact that I couldn't even feel a pinch.
Acupuncture itself, well, I'm a believer. I didn't expect to be. It relies on channels in the body and by placing needles at strategic points, it encourages the mind and body to perform a certain way. It all seemed a little out there, when I first read about it. But as I laid there on the table, with needles in my hands, elbows, knees, feet, the top of my head, my brow and my ears, I swear I could feel a difference. Despite not being able to feel the needles go in, after a few minutes I became very aware of them. Feeling isn't the right word because, in truth, I really couldn't feel a needle in my skin - it was too small for that.
What I experienced was my mind being aware of those places on my body. My mind focused on my elbows and my hands. It thought about my ears and my knees. It was an incredibly strange feeling. When we were done, I asked a bit about it. The acupunturist explained that there isn't a specific spot that they can put a needle that just magically makes you lose weight. Instead, they put needles in places to help digestion, build will power and lower appetite.
Truth is, even if its psychosomatic, the benefits have become material. As I write this entry, it is August 20th. I got acupuncture on August 9th. I have lost five pounds since then.
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