Remember a while back (like a week ago) when I promised no more work entries unless I got to do something epic like stand up in court and speak before a judge? I got to stand up in court and speak before a judge. And it was epic. There aren't pictures because, of course, I couldn't tarnish the sanctity of the courtroom.
...but this is about what it looked like...
See, there was this hostile witness and my boss was all, "we can't do it without you, Kristen. We need your witty repartee and kick ass super smarty pants skills or the whole case will be lost! Lost I tell you!". Then there were tears, some more begging and finally an offer of cash. I accepted, of course, but only to be polite. Then it was off to court where nervous anticipate reined supreme. The witness didn't want to cooperate, but it wasn't up to him. No no. It was up to me. I blazed through questions with Sam Waterston-like reflexes, which makes sense since apparently my head became superimposed on his body when I walked in to the courtroom.
Then the judge was all, you're out of order. And I was all, the system is out of order, Your Honor!! Then I banged my fists on the lectern for emphasis and the judge said "my God, you're right, what am I doing with my life? I wanted to be somebody." Then he took off his robe, stepped down off the bench, declared the other side's client guilty of crimes against humanity and drove off in a Ferrari.
Anyone still buying this? I didn't think so.
So, what really happened is this. In Michigan, if you're interning for a nonprofit, there's a court rule that allows you to speak before the court before passing the bar. Since Legal Services is a non-profit, they're allowed to let their interns questions witnesses as long as they motion the court beforehand. So my boss asked if I'd like to get my feet wet before the court on a really simple hearing and I jumped at the chance. Well, after running back to my place in Lansing to grab acceptable shoes. Then I jumped.
The hearing she let me ask questions for is called a Pro Confesso hearing. Its the last step in a divorce. Before the court grants the judgment, the parties have to go up and answer some questions under oath. They've lived in Michigan for six months and in Ingham county for ten days? Check. The wife is not pregnant? Check. Stuff like that. Its really simple and there's almost zero possibility of the client answering the questions wrong or being hostile. Thus, they let the interns give it a whirl.
It was still quite a bit nerve wracking though. Mostly because its the thing, within the law, that I've wanted to do my whole life and this was my first real chance. I did a simulation in law school that was amazingly fun - I made Ben play a pedophile witness and he was so likable the jury forgot about the whole pedophile thing. He was a good sport and a seriously awesome witness.
Opposing Counsel: "Didn't you get a dog just to attract children to your yards?"
Ben: "No. I just like dogs."
Opposing Counsel: "Isn't it true that children like dogs?"
Ben: "I don't know. Some probably like cats."
In all seriousness, I credit Ben with the good grade I got on that project. I got buku bonus points for having a well-prepared witness who knew what to expect. And he was a super good sport to play someone that scummy for my class. That being said, it was nothing like actually being in court. I found the judge surprisingly disarming and know that there weren't any curveballs coming made the questioning a lot easier. I'm sure I'll be a wreck the first time I have to interview a hostile witness, but I'm much more ready than I was before.
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