Date: March 24th, 2010
After years of hoping, waiting, wanting and wringing my hands in anticipation of being a property owner; I have finally arrived. That's right kids: I'm part of the landed gentry. Were I man, I'd have earned myself a vote in Colonial America. Since I am not, I have earned my future husband a vote in Colonial America. Where is this glorious parcel, you ask? In what delightful shaded grove shall I now sit and drink tea as the sun sets.
Well. Its a little bit of a trip. You see, the land I bought... its on Mars.
I decided it was finally time to take the plunge and get myself a little plot to call my own. And what better place to do that than the Red Planet. Desolate landscape, blistering dust storms and minute amounts of frozen water particles at each of the poles. Why, that's only several days journey by foot. Its practically water adjacent.
There is an amazing little shop that sells plots of land on the moon or any other of the marvelous planets in our solar system. Needless to say, the inconvenience of traveling to these exotic locations does make the land cost drop significantly. From several thousand dollars down to a cool twenty. That's right. Me and Andrew Jackson are going to have ourselves a party on Mars. I've invited America's second-most-badass president to the home of my future Martian homestead.
I know, I know. Y'all think I paid $20 for a glorified, internet-ready tourist trap. But check it. The company is certified and authorized to sell land on the moon and other nearby galactic surfaces by the US government. And their land claims have been filed with the UN and the Russian government. So, while I'm sure it is an internet hoax, its elaborate enough that I felt the need to reward it.
There is a catch though. If any native, sentient Martians appear and stake a claim to the land I bought, they have legal title. That's the other reason I decided to bring Jackson with me. You remember Andrew Jackson, right? "John Marshall has made his decision, now let's see him enforce it."? Yeah, well, Martian Steve (I'm assuming they'll have Americanized names both for ease and out of an unearned sense of galactic entitlement), let's see you enforce... umm... it. Whatever it is. I'm also assuming that Martian Steve will be small and thus easily bested in a game of fisticuffs.
Git off mah land, Martian Steve!
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