Date: March 11th, 2010
People who read this consistently may have noticed that the entries since I got back from DC are mostly small things that I've done. Though I'm deeply committed to this project, I am also committed to my family and it is the latter that has required some attention. Most of you know that my grandmother has been ill for some time. She's been battling cancer for over a year and recently things have gotten a lot worse.
Those who've known me for a while know that I don't like going on about personal things in a public forum, but I'm also aware that some rough times are ahead in the near future. If we are extremely lucky, she will be with us for another couple weeks, but even that would be a blessing at this point. One of the things that happens when someone is nearing the end of their life is that their body becomes less capable of controlling its internal temperature. So, if you bundle up in blankets, the temperature goes way up and if you lay about with only a thin layer of clothes on, the temperature drops.
She was running a high fever the other night - up around 103 for a while. That's not something I've ever experienced. My solution to fevers is Tylenol and bed rest. But then... we're talking 101.5 max. Turns out, when it comes to breaking a fever, nothing beats an old classic. We prepared a ton of ice packs and put them on her neck, head, chest and feet to cool her down. It took several hours, but eventually her temperature went back down to about 99. Its still a little warm, but its not the dangerous temperature she had last night.
Helping get a fever down isn't something I've ever done before and its vitally important to me to be there for my gramma and my parents in the days and weeks ahead. My gramma has told me how highly she thinks of this project and, in that spirit, I will continue to do new things every day. I have been fortunate not to lose someone close to me in a long time and, for that reason, I haven't ever done the things that go along with that before. I hope no one will be too terribly bothered if there are a few times when I need to take the day for my family.
Not all new experiences are as joyful as the one's I've found so far, but that is part of living. I am much more aware of how lucky I am not to have experienced deep loss like this until now thanks to this project. The fact that I've never had to break a fever, for example, is a sign of how blessed I have been in my life so far. In a vain attempt to cheer y'all up, I will leave you with some words of wisdom I stumbled onto the other day.
Fair warning - there's some cursing - but it cheered me up, so, ya know, deal with it.
A la the venerable powerhouse of curmudgeonly advice that is Shit My Dad Says:
"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."
I will pray for you and your family. Give me a call if you need to talk!
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