Day 169 - Use my Own Money to Pay for Something for Work

Date: June 24th, 2010

Very few of the jobs I've held entail the possibility of having to pay for something on the job.  There are not job-related expenses at grocery stores and in dormitory kitchens; and while there were such expenses at Cisco and Yahoo, there was never an occasion for me to have to pay them.  There were so few "emergencies" on the job that it never occurred to me that, at some point, I might have to reach into my own pockets to make something happen.

Now that I've been working at Legal Services, I have realized that there truly are situations in which we run out of time.  In the corporate world, there is always another day, always another five minutes.  If you miss a deadline, you get yelled at, but that's about it.  I know this is a realization I've had before, but it was so strongly reinforced this week that I felt the need to restate it.

I had to pick up some papers from the court clerk for a project with a hard and fast court deadline.  Unlike deadlines from corporate bosses, if you miss a court deadline, there is no going back.  There is no excuse.  There is no way out.  Given that the weekend was fast approaching, it was my last chance to get said papers.  So when the court clerk giggled at my measly $20 from the work cache, I knew I was in trouble.

Luckily, I'd gone to the bank earlier in the week.  With the clerk's office closing in fifteen minutes, me having no idea where the nearest bank was and work being a solid twenty minutes away; my only chance to get the papers was right at that moment.  Its not the big dramatic song and dance it could've been, but for me, reaching into my own wallet and paying for the rest of the papers without thinking about it was definitely a new experience.

I didn't really realize how much I care about this job and the things I'm doing at it until that moment.  There wasn't a question.  There wasn't hesitation.  It just... needed to be done.  I think this is what a sense of purpose truly feels like.  Its not the pomp and circumstance and prideful chest pounding that is might seem to be, but just the simple, unquestioned choice to do what needs to be done.