February 2: Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day is my fucking JAM, guys.  I WILL CELEBRATE GROUNDHOG DAY FOREVER.  Coming off of the righteous letdown that was Working Naked Day, we were somewhat weary about what we had to do to celebrate Groundhog Day.  For one, it meant waking up on the dark side of dawn, which is almost never "worth it" (whatever "it" is).  For two.  Well.  That's basically it.

See.  We live in Texas.  Pictured below on this handy map:

Punxsutawney: conveniently located in Not Texas.

Turns out, the Weather Channel's need to fit-in extends beyond naming things that aren't hurricanes.  They also wanted a yearly event they could call their very own.  We can't entirely fault them - CBS has the Super Bowl, Animal Planet has the Puppy Bowl, BBC has the... Tea and Doctor Who Bowl... or something.  The point is - this is IT for the Weather Channel.  And considering they just got mercilessly dumped by Direct TV, this is their post-break-up night on the town.

Now, for those who haven't memorized Bill Murray's 1993 magnum opus: Groundhog Day, you may not realize what a big deal Groundhog Day is to the locals in Unspellable, Pennsylvania.  Every year, crowds of between 10-25 thousand people gather around midnight and dance and sing all night long in an orgy of groundhog related excess.  Actually, hedonism is kept to a reasonable minimum and it has become a delightful family event.

The Weather Channel's coverage started at 4am CST and contrary to EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I will admit that on this one and singular occasion - waking up before dawn was totally worth it.  THEIR ANCHORS HAD GROUNDHOG HATS ON.  How amazing is that?  I think what really sold it for us was knowing the actual purveyors of the groundhog were going to come out in fancy-pants top hats and tailored suits.  Guys - I'm 99% sure this is a prank they're playing on all of us AND I DON'T EVEN CARE.

I LOVE EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS PICTURE.

So Justin and I snuggled on the couch, falling in and out of sleep and watching the countdown clock (SERIOUSLY - there was a countdown clock) tick down on the screen to that glorious moment when the groundhog would emerge.  As the moments draw into hours - two and a half to be exact - our excitement waned.  Could it really be worth it?  Could the loss of sleep and the knowledge that our bed was sitting all by its lonely self in the other room really be worth it...  And then it happened.  The nerdiest thing ever to happen.

A bunch of men in fine suits, with weather-related pun nicknames like Cold Front and Gusty McGee (or whatever) stood with cheer signs celebrating winter.  THE SEASON.  Grown men - with homes and jobs and families - they stood there cheerleading the weather.  STOP READING AND TAKE THAT IN.  

Then.  THEN.  Those same men consulted a groundhog IN HIS NATIVE LANGUAGE to ask about the weather.  This really happened.  It happens every year.  Punxsutawney is nerd Mecca.  

AND PHIL IS LEGIT.

And does Phil the Groundhog shy away from telling it like it is?  Does he pretend that Spring is around the corner when we all know it isn't?  No he most certainly does not.  Phil is a truth teller.  Phil is the prognosticator.  Phil is my motherfucking HERO.  Just look at this predictive prowess:

"A Super Bowl winner I will not predict, 

But my weather forecast you cannot contradict, 

Why that's not a football but my shadow I see

Six more weeks of winter, it must be"

- Phil the Groundhog

BOOM.  Not like those other groundhogs.

Wait.  Other groundhogs?  Yeah.  Turns out Phil has company.  Groundhog Day isn't just about Phil being a rockstar.  The holiday dates back centuries and celebrates a German tradition that says that if a hibernating animal sees its shadow on Candlemas there will be more winter to come.  So Phil is the current gold standard groundhog, but there are others?  Indeed - and it turns out their predictions are split right down the middle.

"...from leading groundhogs"  SERIOUSLY.

Phil is unquestionably my hero, but I've gotta say, the "best name ever" award has to go to General Beauregard Lee of Lilborn, Georgia.  THIS IS A REAL THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

We were in awe of this holiday.  It has EVERYTHING.  It is my new solemn and publicly stated LIFE GOAL to make a pilgrimage to Punxsutawney for this glorious yearly event.  It was so completely and totally silly.  It was joyful.  It was unapologetic.  The entire town expresses unadulterated joy for an entire night in anticipation of a whispered weather prediction in groundhog-ese to men in old fashioned top hats.  It is everything festivals should be.  It is the most honest, truthful and real expression of humanity there is.  That last statement is not a joke or exaggeration.

See, the thing is, we don't come together because we have to.  We come together because we can.  I'm head over heels in love with Groundhog Day, exactly because its traditions are really just an excuse for love and joy.  So we laughed with the people of Punxsutawney and we jovially groaned when Phil predicted more winter and we snuggled, because life is short, humanity is beautiful and we're blessed to live in a world where a groundhog predicts the weather.