February 16: Almond Day

We ate almonds.

I'm sorry.  I know there's supposed to be some neat ass shit in here like "ooh, we invented a new kind of almond paste that cured cancer and now we're billionaires", but that didn't happen.  We sat around and ate almonds.  A lot of them.

To make up for that bullshit, here is a basket of puppies.

Mmmmmmm.  Almond-y.

February 15: Parinirvana Day

Today was a fairly somber holiday, but not in a bad way.  February 15th (in some places, February 8th) is the date, in Mahayana Buddhism, when it is said that Buddha attained Nirvana.  As most know, Nirvana is achieved by leaving the physical body behind and stopping the cycle of reincarnation.  In short - dying.

The purpose of the holiday is to contemplate death and work towards understanding impermanence.  I will keep the entry short for on main and serious reason: our contemplations were difficult and serious.  It was a worthwhile, but very private exercise.

We did one other thing, that was a BIG thing for us.  For months we'd talked about getting our meditation room set up.  In honor of the holiday, we worked hard to get a safe and comfortable space to meditate together in our front room.

Out lovely in progress shot.

It turned out beautifully and we've used it almost every day since.  I'm exceedingly glad for this holiday.  Both Justin and I had important and meaningful conversations about death.  It did, however, take a day or two to emotionally recover from.  That's all I'm going to say about it, but I will just reiterate that it was definitely a worthwhile exercise.

February 14: Valentine's Day

I'm going to make this entry super quick for four reasons.

1. Everyone knows what Valentine's Day is.
2. We Darwined the shit out of this year's celebration, as previously written.
3. Justin and I are SERIOUSLY lovey-dovey on our Facebook wall so we figured you guys could use an ironically timed break from that.
4. Blah blah blah, something, consumerism, something something blah.

It being a Friday and whatnot, I decided to work from home.  It was nice to get to spend the whole day with Justin just relaxing, getting some work done and wearing pajamas.  That's right.  Pajamas.  On a work day.  Ladies, gentlemen, please keep your jealousy in check.

Justin was super wonderfully romantical and posted a wonderful Facebook status that got me teared up.  That's a sentence you're welcome to both roll your eyes at and laugh at.  Go for it.  I can wait.  Actually, truthfully, I've come to the belief that Facebook often serves as a forum for our personal expressions of love and affection for one another.  Time was that was weird for me, but it isn't anymore.  I don't know why, but it isn't.

Also, he brought me candy.

HOLY SHIT AMAZEBALLS.

Those were delicious!

So we went pretty low key.  It was kind of the perfect Valentine's Day for us.  But but but... did we learn anything, you're desperately and clingily asking?  Nope.  Just that there are so many overlooked holidays that are so much cooler than this one.  That's not an attack on Valentine's Day.  It doesn't suck - it was lovely - but a month ago we blew up pieces of fruitcake.  About a week ago Justin threw beans at me and chased me out of the house.  It just can't compete and that's okay.  It will always have a special place in my $5 grocery store chocolate heart.

February 13: Madly in Love with Me Day

FINALLY.  A holiday for my beautiful and passionate ego to run wild!  So rarely is there a day for me to stop and just contemplate my true and honest greatness.  I'm better than all of you!

Wait.

What?

That's not the actual spirit of the holiday?  Well.  Shit.

When we first stumbled onto this holiday we thought it would be a good excuse to goof off and say insanely egotistical things.  Actually, there is a great message behind it and a reason why it falls on February 13th every year.

The movement is mostly focused on women and girls and the idea is to teach the fairer sex, in particular, that it isn't actually fairer or weaker or less deserving of confidence and love.  See, basically as soon as New Year's ends, it becomes time to load every aisle in every grocery store with Valentine's candy.  Candy that can either be bought for someone you love...

...or sacrificed to the God of loneliness.

So, instead of wallowing in the lead up to Singles Awareness Day, Christine Arylo came up with a holiday for women to celebrate their inner wonderful.  There have been a lot of events and the holiday has expanded significantly over the years.  It makes sense - as much as people roll their eyes at self-help books, there are known psychological benefits to positive thinking.

So, even though the holiday is more geared toward women, Justin and I both took a few minutes to think about our own best qualities and really feel good about those things.  Here are our top five:

Mine:

1. I'm smart

2. I'm loyal

3. I'm funny

4. I'm generous

5. I'm hard-working

Justin's

1. He is kind-hearted

2. He is resilient

3. He is loving

4. He is hopeful

5. He is smart

It was NOT an easy exercise.  The thing is - being humble is important.  Not believing yourself to be smarter than the people around you is a good quality -- not believing yourself to be smart at all is a different thing entirely.  But when you're sitting there, talking about yourself, it just feels... off.  I think that's something that should change.  There is nothing wrong with being happy with who we are and being able to speak to that out-loud.  I know both Justin and I are happy people in our own minds - but why is talking about our own good qualities so taboo, I wonder.  I don't have an answer - it just got me thinking.

There's a meme that has been floating around for a while that we thought of a lot of on this holiday.

I love this meme and I love it when it resurfaces on my Facebook feed.  Unlike all of those darn "share if you agree that ten people won't share this because they're afraid of sharing about this important topic that you'll look bad if you don't share" ones.  If you post those... stop it and never do it again.

Anyway, whether that is real or accurate or just made up - it is wonderful advice.  Over time, hate begets hate and love begets love.  That's why this holiday is great.  It is important to love ourselves - it is what opens us up to love each other as friends, family, lovers and fellow men.  The holiday was wonderful and enlightening and I would highly recommend putting effort into loving yourself, even if you are doing it belated this year.

February 12: Darwin Day

Happy Darwin Day!  In celebration of the illustrious and storied birth of Charles "The Turtle Watcher" Darwin, we jumped off our roof without parachutes and then licked a couple of light sockets.  That's a lie.  Although, given the existence of the Darwin Awards, surely someone, somewhere has done that.

In celebration of Darwin Day, we did a couple things.  We both read several Darwin Awards stories and shook our heads in disbelief and superiority.  I know Darwin Awards are linked twice in this very short blog entry, but I would highly recommend clicking both.  Mostly because I'm being controlling of you blog reading experience today.

We made it a fairly low key holiday.  Partly because there really aren't non-life-threatening ways to celebrate Darwin Day, since we're honoring that whole "survival of the fittest" precept.  And partly because it was a Wednesday.  And, honestly...

Who can compete with that beard?

We did celebrate in a deeply meaningful, important and philosophical way though.  We spent the afternoon contemplating the nature of survival of the fittest in regards to humanity.  From an evolutionary standpoint, things that used to matter really don't.  Think about it - why do giraffes have long necks according to evolutionary theory?  Because over time, only the tallest of them could reach food to survive and therefore reproduce.  But for humans, not even abject stupidity prevents reproduction consistently.  There is no particular physical characteristic that is 'bred out' or 'bred in' to the human population the way things used to be with animals.  It is a weird time to live - there is an abundance of food and high tech medical care that puts people who might have been removed from the gene pool back into it.

So really there are few ways to demonstrate evolutionary superiority.  We decided, therefore, to celebrate the concept of survival of the fittest under a looser, sociological interpretation.  You know - social Darwinism.  So how then, did we celebrate?  Well.  You know how Valentine's Day fell on a Friday this year?  And how Justin and I live in Houston?  And how Houston is the 4th largest city in the country and how restaurants go utterly batshit crazy on Valentine's Day?

Yeah, we knew that too.

So, in honor of BOTH Valentine's Day and Darwin Day, we had a lovely romantic dinner at the Cheesecake Factory on a perfectly calm Wednesday evening.  Also, we had fried macaroni and cheese.  OM.  NOM.  NOM.

Darwin Day was neat - we had a lot of fun talking about both actual and social Darwinism over the course of the evening.  It was a more in depth and intellectual conversation than we normally have.  Don't get me wrong - we're smarty-pantses - but sometimes it's nice to space out to Maury Povich and wonder who the father is.

February 11: White Shirt Day

We like to joke a lot, but this holiday was a bit more serious for both of us.  So let's all have a short lesson, shall we?  During the Great Depression, jobs weren't exactly easy to come by.  Between that economic reality and the almost complete lack of legal protections for workers, doing anything besides going to your job day after day with a broken human spirit would've been... well... crazy.

Lucky for you, me and everyone in between, there were a bunch of crazies working at a GM plant in Flint, Michigan who did just that.  The strike lasted 44 days, ending on February 11, 1937 with a victory for the workers.  Notably, it was a victory that wouldn't have been possible without the support of Michigan's governor.

When police arrived at the plant, they intended to force the workers out.  Instead, Michigan's governor called in the National Guard to protect the workers as they peacefully protested.  The result?  The first GM contract with the modern UAW.

But why the white shirts?  They wore white for the same reason we use the terms 'white collar' and 'blue collar'.  The line workers wore blue shirts as they worked and management got the nice, clean whites.  In a symbolic move showing that they were no different and should be treated no different, the blue collar workers wore white in protest.

There are many write ups around the internet, but the UAW's is clear and succinct and I would highly recommend it.  You can find it here.

As for Justin and I?  There wasn't much we could do to celebrate it besides wearing white.  So that's what Justin did.  I, on the other hand, celebrated by selling out to the man.  I tease, but both Justin and I are very pro-union.

My first job was a union job - UFCW 428 in Saratoga, California.  I was a bagger.  I was able to get health, dental, vision and retirement benefits at 16 years old.  Thanks to my union.

There was an appeals process.  So when the abusive shift manager above me decided to write me up because she didn't like it that I was dating one of the produce guys (who she was widely known to have a crush on), I had a recourse.  I couldn't simply be fired on spot for looking at her wrong.  Thanks to my union.

When most of my peers were making minimum wage, I was taking in $2 more an hour.  Thanks to my union.

When I heard about and read stories of missed breaks and hours off the clock with no where to turn, I rested easy knowing I had protection from that.  Thanks to my union.

When I worked on holidays I got double time instead of time and a half.  Any Sunday I worked I got time and a half and when a holiday landed on a Sunday, I got triple time.  All a demonstration of the value of the time the job took from special and family days.  Thanks to my union.

No system is perfect, but we have the protections we have because of unions.  There is an intrinsic value to anyone's willingness to provide their time and labor and that value deserves to be recognized even if it is a 'menial' job like fast food or bagging groceries.  This holiday was particularly timely in our opinions because of the renewed debate about raising the minimum wage.  Here's the deal - if someone is willing to work a full time job, they should be able to live without additional help from the government.  Right now they can't and that's not okay.  It is time again for the workers to put on white shirts and stand up for their worth as human beings.

Did this entry get preachy?  Yup.  Don't make me break out the astro-sloth again.  This holiday got my engines firing.  It is a celebration of the human spirit.  Every holiday has been fun or interesting or unique.  This is the first one we've been proud to celebrate.  PROUD.  So there.

February 10: Umbrella Day

My inner nerd was supes excited for a holiday that is celebrated 100% by carrying something random around.  You see, after our attempt at building a kite, we decided we weren't going to do anything silly like try to build an umbrella.  So, Justin agreed to carry the umbrella around to his errands all day and report back on all the strange looks he would get.  YAY!  So much fun!!

HAHA.  Look at that silly shit!

I awoke with a feeling of glorious anticipation.  My sweet, wonderful husband would be walking out into the world, on a bright and beautiful day... with an umbrella.  HA.  SO SILLY!  I was giddy with anticipation.

HAHAHAHA.  Umbrella.  For no reason!

WAIT.  WHAT THE SHIT?

WHY IS THE GROUND WET?

What is this dark magic?

Turns out... sometimes it rains on Umbrella Day.  And that is some poetic shit right there.

My wonderful hubby carried the umbrella around all day, but no silly looks were to be had.  No, just a man and his umbrella, walking in the rain.  LIKE TOTALLY NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE SUBURBS.

Ugh.

February 9: Library Lovers' Day

Justin and I were so excited for Library Lovers' Day - it is right up our nerd alley.  Free books?  Sign me up!  No, seriously though, I won the shit out of reading challenges every summer when I was growing up.  It was not nearly as good for my street cred as you'd think it would be.  Doesn't change the fact that library's are bastions of learning and fun for children of all ages.

And beavers?  Or... is that a chipmunk?  Seriously - what kind of animal is this?

So we woke up early to beat the church crowd and headed to the library.  I know there isn't likely to be a bum rush on the library, but we figured the church crowd and wholesome, Sunday-afternoon-reading-for-fun crowd would have fairly significant overlap.  So, while they were all gussied up for Jesus and grabbing brunch, we were heading to the local book lounge for some scholastic hullabaloo.

Or so we thought...

CLOSED!?!  Closed on Sunday?!?!?!  What the shit, Texas?  This was NOT an issue for me when I was growing up in, apparently Godless, Connecticut.  Or when we moved to, definitely Godless, California.  Or, like totes Godless, Michigan where Justin grew up.  See, Texas?  They all left time in the morning for church!!  UGH.

Justin was particularly devastated.

So, no library to love.  What would we do with our unrequited bibliophilia?  We decided, instead, to sort through our books at home and pick out some to donate to the library when it opened back up the next day.  I tear through books at a decent clip so there are piles and piles from before I got my Kindle.  We donated about three-four arm-fulls of good fiction books at various skill levels.  

So, even if our local library didn't love us back, we donated it tender.  Or something.

Mostly, looking back, we were pretty disappointed that this holiday exists, but isn't celebrated widely by libraries around the country.  Print media is starting to disappear (says the person with the Kindle herself) and I would love to see libraries take the opportunity to get people back in the door at least once a year.  See, I do love my Kindle, but here's the issue - I buy books I've pre-selected.  I don't just... browse... like I used to at the library.  There is some joy to just stumbling onto new books because there are walls and walls of them to choose from.

I suddenly have the desire to go around the country drumming up support for libraries.  You know what... I think I'll start next Sunday.  In Oklahoma.  Or Arkansas.  Or basically ANYWHERE BUT TEXAS.

February 8: Kite Flying Day

Woo!  Another super easy holiday, amirite?  We woke up on February 8, excited to kick the day's butt!  So we went to SEVERAL stores (note the pattern!) looking for kites.  Now that the several months of Christmas had passed and the weather had started to turn down here in Texas, we thought we'd be able to find summary toys in the seasonal aisle.  No, beyond winter, spring, summer and fall there are apparently a bunch of seasons we'd never heard of....

...like proposal season...

...which is apparently a thing.  It culminates with Valentine's day and allows stores to begin selling Valentine's candy way back in January when it would otherwise be WAY TOO EARLY.  It also means that the summer toys are not yet being sold despite several 60+ degree days.  Come on people!  It's outside weather!

Ever industrious, we decided to hit up the Michael's crafts and buy fabric, wood, string and ribbon.  You can see where this is going.

BRILLIANT!

So... here's the thing.  Turns out kites are made with a less... porous fabric.. right?  You know, to trap the air and fly majestically.  So, ours didn't really, what's the word?  Work?  Yeah, that's it.  Work.  It didn't work.

The agony of defeat.

Go us!  So it didn't fly.  So what?  We inadvertently learned a lot about kites.  Justin built one... because, as established in the last entry, I'm pretty darn lazy.  I managed the project, which, in this case means I watched.  And we ran around out backyard like idiots throwing that beautiful monstrosity in the air over and over again.  So, Project Convince the Neighbors We're Insane is going delightfully as planned.

It was tons of stupid stupid fun.  We have every intent of flying kites with Eventual Baby Ynclan (EBY as our as-yet-not-even-conceived child shall be known), but we're gonna Amazon that shit next time. 

February 7: Send a Postcard to a Friend Day

For a variety of reasons, this is going to be a short entry.  The first of those reasons being that postcards APPARENTLY don't exist outside of tourist areas anymore.  The second being that I'm like ten days behind.  OH MY GOD, DEAL WITH IT.  That wasn't fair.  I didn't mean that.  Seriously though...

Astro-sloth burn!

Both Justin and I loved the simplicity of this holiday and how easy it (theoretically) would be to celebrate.  The instructions are literally in the name.  There are so few things like that in the world.  So, while I was at work, Justin ran out to several stores looking for postcards.

The key word there being SEVERAL.  He went to the grocery, the Target, the Wal-mart and two pharmacies.  NOTHIN'.  So - in the spirit of the holiday and because he's awesome, we both wrote card-cards to close friends of ours.  He sent his to Jeff W. and I sent mine to Ben & Lisa P.  YES I SNAGGED A TWO-FER.  What of it?

We didn't manage to get them into the mail until the next day because we are just SUPER lazy people.  But we both loved taking a moment to think about a couple people we care about.  It is easy to see bits and pieces of people's lives on Facebook and not really stop and think about how they impact your life.  So, Jeff, Lisa and Ben - we love you and you're wonderful and we definitely think of you more often than we say out loud.  We're... gonna work on that...

February 6: Canadian Maple Syrup Day

As a general rule, Justin and I love making fun of Canada.  They're America's super-polite hat.  Also, it is cold there and, umm, they're still kinda hot for the British monarchy.  Also Mounties.  Just saying.  The point is, as Americans, it is our solemn duty and right to mock our kinder northern neighbor.  They make us feel better about ourselves.  When our credit gets downgraded and life isn't kissing our world-super-power booties, we can just tease ourselves a few Canadians and start feeling better about everything.  You know.  Like bullies.

Here's the issue with that.  Canadians are ballers.  As in, mad skills, ass kicking ballers. They're polite because they know what's up.  Remember that polar vortex thing that happened?  Wanna see Canada's reaction?

Yeah.  That's what I thought.

Luckily for us, we were presented with an opportunity to celebrate Canada's clear superiority.  Specifically, their maple syrup superiority.  In honor of the syrup, we re-wrote the Canadian national anthem to celebrate the viscous and delightful treat:

O Canada!
Our home for maple trees!
True syrup love in all thy pancakes please.
On waffle squares you glisten bright
An ample breakfast bite
From far and wide,
O Canada, we pour on food for thee.
God keep our trees glorious and free!
O Canada, maple syrup for me.
O Canada, maple syrup for me.

In addition to honoring this beautiful and meaningful holiday by bastardizing the national anthem of our very understanding and patient northern continent-mates, we also had breakfast for dinner.  YAY!!!  Breakfast for dinner is the most comforting kind of comfort food since comfort became a thing.

IT'S LIKE IF PILLOWS WERE FOOD

We also did a syrup taste test between the two American "syrups" and the Canadian maple syrup my parents got us for Christmas (because Michigan is basically South Canada).  There was a clear winner, obvs.  But here's the interesting thing - the Canadian ACTUALLY MAPLE syrup had no scent to it at all.  I had expected a somewhat stronger scent from the real deal.  So, you know, what the shit, Canada?

We steeled ourselves for disappointment.  The two American syrups had strong, patriotic, American scents to them.  Indeed it was the sugary musk of freedom!  Then the actual taste test began.  Also, we used shot glasses because we're classy.

We used our Chumlee glass for Mrs. Butterworth's.  Obvs.

Here's the thing (you knew there'd be a twist - there's always a twist), the American syrups taste like thick sugar drink.  The smell hits your nose, but no taste hits your tongue.  They are the biggest tease EVER.  The Canadian syrup, much like the Canadian people, is not concerned with puffing up its metaphorical chest to make a point.  Oh no - true Canadian Maple Syrup walks softly and carries a big stick.  Much like Teddy Roosevelt who is, let's not kid ourselves, the best American of all time.  HA.  Brought it back to the USofA.

Seriously though, the Canadian maple syrup had SO MUCH flavor.  It was amazing.  There is this slight spicy bite to it - not heat - like a kick of savory TO THE FACE.  It doesn't need smell to make its point - it is the real deal.

We love food holidays.  Between taste tests and feasts, food days feel like a vacation from the holidays themselves.  They are chill and easy to celebrate AND SO DELICIOUS.  But our advice is this - don't wait for the next one to come around.  Once you go Canadian...... you'll politely decline American syrup and then apologize for the inconvenience.  

February 5: National Weatherperson's Day

There are few careers as fast-paced and adrenaline filled as meteorology.  Will it rain?  What direction is the wind coming from?  I DON'T KNOW DAMMIT!  No, seriously though it's more than just witty banter with the morning anchors and remembering not to wear green to work...

...most of the time...

Justin and I decided we would celebrate by watching the weather channel and doing our very best to stay awake.  It's the least we could do for them after they were mercilessly dumped by Direct TV.  YES I REUSED THAT JOKE.  DEAL WITH IT.  We also decided to make our own predictions and name some of the weather patterns we saw.

The thing is - celebrating the holiday in a way that truly honors the man it is held for (John Jeffries) would basically be impossible.  He's credited with being the first man to take detailed recordings of the weather, including daily measurements.  That is a huge step forward in the field of weather prediction, but it also can't be done in a day.  So we decided to try our hand at modern weather-man-ing.

First, we named several gusts of wind on the way to work.  My favorite was wind gust Armando, traveling southeast at about 15mph.  He was gone as soon as he arrived...  But why did we name gusts?  Mostly because my deep personal offense at the winter storm team naming blizzards.  They aren't hurricanes and you're the B-team.  Well.  Someone had to say it.  You were all thinking it.

But we also predicted things.  Like that it would get colder in the evening.  OOOOOHHH!!!!  Weather'd!

Okay.  I'm mocking a lot, but let's be serious.  Meteorology has some kick ass sub-disciplines that are genuinely amazing.  Storm chasing requires meteorology knowledge, for one.  For two - the science has evolved to where the top folks in the field can tell you about storms weeks in advance.  The polar vortex?  A couple decades ago, that would've been known as "holy shit - why is it so cold?".  And realize that at some point, someone had to sit down and decide something as basic as how do we describe how hot or cold it is.  In fact - three separate someones came up with three different options (Celcius, Fahrenheit and Kelvin - all named after their creators).

We enjoyed reading about and marveling at both the substance and the spectacle of weather prediction.  It was a great learning holiday.  We really came to understand and appreciate the importance of the discipline and the dignified nature of the weatherperson's profession.

Al Roker agrees with me.

February 4: Create a Vacuum Day

That's right.  Science is happening.  One of the things that has really been interesting for us so far this year is that there are holidays dedicated to science experiments.  We did some reading and we're pretty sure they evolved as a way to convince schools to do more hands on experimentation with their students by making it an official day.  It makes sense -- one of the holidays we're celebrating later in the year is Mole Day and another is Pi Day.  If math and chemistry can have holidays, why can't physics.  If you don't let physics have a holiday, there's gonna be some friction, boy howdy.  That's right.  That happened.  Deal with it.

As for us, we decided we would attempt the hardboiled egg trick.  I say attempt because the first thing we did was melt a plastic bottle.  Which I do not have pictures of.  Because I was busy dealing with melted plastic and the choking, acrid smoke that resulted from it.  For those who don't know - the hard boiled egg trick is where you take a peeled hard boiled egg, shove some candles into it and then put the whole thing into an upside-down beaker.  The heat from the candles does physics related things and sucks the egg up into the beaker.

This is how it's supposed to look.

In short, this holiday was the second in a little not-so-great streak for cataloging the holidays for us.  I tend to triage not burning the house down above photography.

 Which, apparently sets me apart from the rest of my generation.

We had a lot of fun being idiots with plastic and ruining an egg.  But we also found the experiment pretty enlightening, even messed up.  I think it's going to become one that we do with kids when we have them.  I'm gonna take a bold stance here and say there should be more holidays based on science experiments.  I bet we could fill an entire calendar with them pretty easily, actually.  SOMEONE GET ON THAT.

February 3: Setsubun

Oh Setsubun.  I was SO excited for you for weeks and weeks and then Groundhog Day happened and the emotional anti-climax was almost too much to bear.  Don't get me wrong - Justin and I rocked this holiday.  Unfortunately, we rocked it the way most parents rock their third child, in that we loved it, but didn't bother to take any pictures of it along the way.

It was mostly the Monday-ness of it.  Thankfully for us, lest we would've skipped it all together, we'd had a long talk with BFF Hop about the meanings and traditions of the holiday a couple days before so we were ready to go when the holiday hit.  We gathered beans, drinks and notes from BFF Hop and great ready to go when I got home from work.

Setsubun, not unlike Joma Shinji, is a holiday where (almost) everything you do has real tradition and meaning.  For example, we started off the night by Justin chasing me out of the house and throwing edamame at me while I made the scariest face I could and he shouted "Demons out!  Luck in!".  Why would he be calling me a demon, you ask?  I mean... we haven't been married that long, right?  No, no, children - there is no trouble in paradise.  See - it was his job to chase out the demons from our home in a sort of spiritual spring cleaning.  But since the bastards don't, like, materialize and pack up their shit themselves... we need to reenact him tossing them out in the form of me running away and making silly faces.

Then he slammed the door to complete the process of scaring out the demons.  Unrelated to the holiday, it also kicked off the process of convincing our neighbors that we're insane as well. I'm just saying - let's look at this from their POV.  A man just yelled "Demons Out" and slammed the door behind his wife... who then laughed and reopened the door and walked back in the house.  Was it a fight?  Did he just call her a demon?  Are they drunk?  No... no I'm pretty sure they're just lunatics, honey.

So... what next kids?  Well, remember how I said "almost" everything about the holiday has symbolism?  Well, I asked BFF Hop what else we should do besides the bean throwing and he explained that people tend to go out and get drunk.  Oh?  So... is that a cleansing activity?  You know, like, a symbolic disinfecting of the system in advance of summer?  Nope.  Drinking is fun.  That's pretty much the reason why.  So, we got reasonably tipsy for a work night.  I KNOW.  WE'RE LOSERS.  WHATEVER.  My two glasses of wine were DELICIOUS.  So there.

There definitely were other traditions, but like I said - we got a case of the Mondays.  We laughed like morons after Justin chased me out of the house and relaxed with the wine while we watched TV and settled in for the night.  It was incredibly pleasant and relaxing.  I would highly recommend doing a little light, crowd-source-researched reading on Setsubun because it is a super neat holiday.  There is a lot of emphasis on cycles, seasons and years in Japanese culture and that makes for some very cool traditions that are somewhat out of the norm for the west.  The best part of this holiday was the learning - by far.

February 2: Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day is my fucking JAM, guys.  I WILL CELEBRATE GROUNDHOG DAY FOREVER.  Coming off of the righteous letdown that was Working Naked Day, we were somewhat weary about what we had to do to celebrate Groundhog Day.  For one, it meant waking up on the dark side of dawn, which is almost never "worth it" (whatever "it" is).  For two.  Well.  That's basically it.

See.  We live in Texas.  Pictured below on this handy map:

Punxsutawney: conveniently located in Not Texas.

Turns out, the Weather Channel's need to fit-in extends beyond naming things that aren't hurricanes.  They also wanted a yearly event they could call their very own.  We can't entirely fault them - CBS has the Super Bowl, Animal Planet has the Puppy Bowl, BBC has the... Tea and Doctor Who Bowl... or something.  The point is - this is IT for the Weather Channel.  And considering they just got mercilessly dumped by Direct TV, this is their post-break-up night on the town.

Now, for those who haven't memorized Bill Murray's 1993 magnum opus: Groundhog Day, you may not realize what a big deal Groundhog Day is to the locals in Unspellable, Pennsylvania.  Every year, crowds of between 10-25 thousand people gather around midnight and dance and sing all night long in an orgy of groundhog related excess.  Actually, hedonism is kept to a reasonable minimum and it has become a delightful family event.

The Weather Channel's coverage started at 4am CST and contrary to EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I will admit that on this one and singular occasion - waking up before dawn was totally worth it.  THEIR ANCHORS HAD GROUNDHOG HATS ON.  How amazing is that?  I think what really sold it for us was knowing the actual purveyors of the groundhog were going to come out in fancy-pants top hats and tailored suits.  Guys - I'm 99% sure this is a prank they're playing on all of us AND I DON'T EVEN CARE.

I LOVE EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS PICTURE.

So Justin and I snuggled on the couch, falling in and out of sleep and watching the countdown clock (SERIOUSLY - there was a countdown clock) tick down on the screen to that glorious moment when the groundhog would emerge.  As the moments draw into hours - two and a half to be exact - our excitement waned.  Could it really be worth it?  Could the loss of sleep and the knowledge that our bed was sitting all by its lonely self in the other room really be worth it...  And then it happened.  The nerdiest thing ever to happen.

A bunch of men in fine suits, with weather-related pun nicknames like Cold Front and Gusty McGee (or whatever) stood with cheer signs celebrating winter.  THE SEASON.  Grown men - with homes and jobs and families - they stood there cheerleading the weather.  STOP READING AND TAKE THAT IN.  

Then.  THEN.  Those same men consulted a groundhog IN HIS NATIVE LANGUAGE to ask about the weather.  This really happened.  It happens every year.  Punxsutawney is nerd Mecca.  

AND PHIL IS LEGIT.

And does Phil the Groundhog shy away from telling it like it is?  Does he pretend that Spring is around the corner when we all know it isn't?  No he most certainly does not.  Phil is a truth teller.  Phil is the prognosticator.  Phil is my motherfucking HERO.  Just look at this predictive prowess:

"A Super Bowl winner I will not predict, 

But my weather forecast you cannot contradict, 

Why that's not a football but my shadow I see

Six more weeks of winter, it must be"

- Phil the Groundhog

BOOM.  Not like those other groundhogs.

Wait.  Other groundhogs?  Yeah.  Turns out Phil has company.  Groundhog Day isn't just about Phil being a rockstar.  The holiday dates back centuries and celebrates a German tradition that says that if a hibernating animal sees its shadow on Candlemas there will be more winter to come.  So Phil is the current gold standard groundhog, but there are others?  Indeed - and it turns out their predictions are split right down the middle.

"...from leading groundhogs"  SERIOUSLY.

Phil is unquestionably my hero, but I've gotta say, the "best name ever" award has to go to General Beauregard Lee of Lilborn, Georgia.  THIS IS A REAL THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

We were in awe of this holiday.  It has EVERYTHING.  It is my new solemn and publicly stated LIFE GOAL to make a pilgrimage to Punxsutawney for this glorious yearly event.  It was so completely and totally silly.  It was joyful.  It was unapologetic.  The entire town expresses unadulterated joy for an entire night in anticipation of a whispered weather prediction in groundhog-ese to men in old fashioned top hats.  It is everything festivals should be.  It is the most honest, truthful and real expression of humanity there is.  That last statement is not a joke or exaggeration.

See, the thing is, we don't come together because we have to.  We come together because we can.  I'm head over heels in love with Groundhog Day, exactly because its traditions are really just an excuse for love and joy.  So we laughed with the people of Punxsutawney and we jovially groaned when Phil predicted more winter and we snuggled, because life is short, humanity is beautiful and we're blessed to live in a world where a groundhog predicts the weather.

February 1: Working Naked Day

It has been a while since Justin and I have had the time to sit down and write about the holidays, but I assure you all, they have continued as planned.  As for this holiday - thank goodness it was on a weekend instead of an actual working day.  Don't get me wrong, my coworkers have been just incredibly understanding about the quirkiness of this project and in fact some of them have seemed to really begun enjoying it along with me... BUT THERE'S A LIMIT.

So let's have some sharing is caring time.  Justin and I are NOT big into the hanging out and being naked while doing non-naked-requiring things.  We've both met nudists and one thing that always fascinated me in talking to them is that the desire to be naked is so completely non-sexual.  That's... not my paradigm.

In fact, for those who followed the project back in 2010, you might remember random rumblings about visiting a nudist camp for a day.  In the course of that year I did a polar plunge, swam in a waterfall, flew a plane and semi-eloped in Vegas - but just chilling in the nude with a bunch of other naked people remained solidly outside of my comfort zone.  Justin had agreed to go with me if I wanted to go...but his clear reluctance showed me that neither of us would really have enjoyed it.

So, last Saturday, we decided to draw all the blinds, crank the heat to 75 (because we're wimps) and do some naked housework.  Then we decided that, you know, slippers shouldn't count because we'll be on our feet a lot.  Then we thought, you know, we'll need to put towels on all the furniture and that's a pain in the ass.  So, we went ahead and put underwear on because that's basically a small portable chair-butt-towel.  Then, I thought... I like bras.  So I put on a bra.

Considering how much Justin and I both love clothing, even an underwear day is in the spirit of the holiday.  So we dusted, vacuumed and cooked lunch.  I don't recommend ANY OF IT.  Being naked for anything besides umm... *cough*... showtime..... well... it sucks.  Let me count the ways.

It's cold.
There are drafts in places that should be covered.
Chair leather is sticky after, like ZERO SECONDS of sitting on it.
Two words: hot grease.
AND THERE ARE NO POCKETS.

I LOVE POCKETS SO MUCH.  We spent a couple hours working naked and hanging out naked before we decided it was time again for pants.  OH MY GOD I LOVE PANTS SO FUCKING MUCH.  But we didn't get dressed before taking a lovely picture for posterity.

Pictured: Me and Justin on Work Naked Day.

As a final, more serious thought, this was honestly a holiday that pushed us quite a bit and that was part of the reason we didn't write more over last weekend and during the week.  Neither of us thought of holidays as things that would stretch us or help us grow as people.  I mean, they're celebrations for goodness sake - what could possibly be gleaned from them?  Well, last weekend it was a serious and positive discussion on body image.  The takeaway is this: we started this project to have lighthearted fun as a married couple.  We're starting to see there may be more to it than that... how much more is something only time will tell.

January 31: Chinese New Year

Early in the day on Chinese New Year, I got a wonderful text from BFF Hop that read "Xin Nian Kuai Le", which means Happy New Year.  It directly translates as "new year happiness".  It was a lovely way to kick off one of the bigger celebrations we had so far.

Justin did a ton of research on the history of the holiday and we had HUGE plans.  I mean, epic in my brain plans.  I was going to learn how to cook authentic Chinese food from scratch.  What dishes?  Every single one.  Dim sum, Cantonese, General Tso's, 100 other dishes I've never heard of, and everything in between.  We were going to be in the kitchen for hours.

TOTALLY REASONABLE PLANNING.

Justin talked me down from that plan.  By which I mean, I said it and he said... "no"... and walked away.  So we ordered Chinese food instead.  We are beginning to eat healthier again - paying closer attention to our diets - so the Chinese New Year feast was kind of like going out with a bang (that pun will become apparent shortly).  We ordered SO MUCH FOOD.

Yup.  All the food...

I know that doesn't look like a ton, but there are only two of us.  I'm writing this on February 3rd and we still have about 1/3 of it left.  We got Peking duck, meat dumplings, sesame chicken, beef lo mein, green beans with pork, chicken fried rice and crab rangoon.  I know what you're wondering - was the crab rangoon any good?  Yes.  It was not as good as China Gate's, but nothing is as good as China Gate's and it was much better than... not crab rangoon.  So it counts.

According to Justin's research, we were supposed to stay up all night to ward off the beast Year from attacking us and preventing prosperity in the new year.  We had every intention of staying up til dawn and not eating any meat after midnight because of what we'd read, until we talked to BFF Hop, who explained that what we found was really NOT what happens.  

It would be like finding a website about Christmas that said people cut down their own trees in the forest and then went to several masses, concluding with midnight mass and then went again in the morning on Christmas day.  Do some people still do that?  Well, yeah, I'm sure - but most people chill with family, hit one service if they're religious and then have a bunch of Santa fun going on at the same time.  

So, what were we actually supposed to do if we wanted to be authentic to how people celebrate it nowadays?  BFF Hop recommended wearing red (check), eating Chinese food (super check), lighting fireworks (semi-check) and exchanging red envelopes (check in name only).  So we're doing pretty okay, right?

NOPE.  Turns out, because Texas is dry this time of year, there are these things called burn warnings, which means no fireworks purchases.  We theoretically could've, like, planned ahead of some shit, but how boring is that?  Instead we decided "hey, fuck it, I'm sure we'll be able to buy small grade explosives on short notice - we're in Texas for God's sake".  While I was at work, Justin drove to every place we'd seen a fireworks stand in the last few months and found.............. nothing.

Did that stop him?  OH NAY NAY.  Not my adorable hubbypants.  He improvised.  He found sparkly birthday candles, birthday poppers and confetti guns.  BEST.  CHINESE.  NEW YEAR. EVER.

LEGIT.  

Stone cold confetti-er.

...and I'm totally not trying to hard right now...

The confetti guns and poppers were perfect -- they were loud, but not so loud they would upset the suburban balance in any way.  They had just a little powder so there was a satisfying flash along with the pop and we got to feel all festive and whatnot.

The holiday was absolutely delightful.  It struck me that it is very much like Christmas in the morphing of traditions and the size and scope of the celebrations.  We celebrated quietly at home, but I've lived in neighborhoods with lots of folks who observe the holiday before and the block goes nuts - cars line the streets and fireworks go off for hours.  It is really neat.  It is easy to have a very American view of the world and not realize just how big certain holidays are around the world.  It was really fun to take part in a holiday that we often overlook, but that is the central focus for hundreds of millions of people.

January 30: National Escape Day

The first time we found a reference to National Escape Day we got all excited and made an insanely detailed plan about how we were going to trap one another and force each other to escape from our faux kidnapping.  I was going to tie Justin to a chair and then wrap duct tape around the knots.  Then, I was going to tip the chair on its side, blindfold him and barricade the door to our bedroom shut with him in it and the game wouldn't be over until he made it to the living room or we got divorced.  FUN!  He wouldn't tell me his plan, which is both amazing and terrifying.

Luckily for our marriage and the as-yet-unconceived eventual babies, we discovered that is not actually what National Escape Day is about.  Turns out, there are multiple definitions to escape, one of which is "A means of obtaining temporary freedom from worry, care, or unpleasantness".   So, that's a lot less creepy than our instincts told us.  We're just going to gloss over that issue.  Turns out, it is the less creepy definition that drives National Escape Day celebrations.

Among the celebratory options were pampering ourselves and planning our escape from the bitter and terrible cold of winter in Southern Texas.  We had a lovely home cooked meal together and relaxed aggressively.

I AM SO FUCKING PEACEFUL RIGHT NOW.

Then we decided to plan dream vacations - the perfect escape for if we had unlimited money.  That was so much fun and it was a really neat personality exercise actually.  Both vacations were supposed to be four weeks long.  I'll share the full plans below, but one thing stood out to me.  Justin picked two places and spent a lot of uninterrupted time in those places, focusing on really seeing and experiencing everything there.  I opted to fly us all the way around the world.

Side note - when we planned the activity, I was the one who said we should set the trips at four weeks each.  I made that rule.  It was my idea to put that restriction on there.  Then I realized halfway through my plan that I would be depositing us in Paris on the last day so I just extended my trip to forty days.  So, if you notice that my trip seems to pack more in than Justin's - just realize that I created a set of rules for us and then promptly broke them.  I'm not ashamed.

Without further adieu - Justin's plan - also known as "Justin and Kristen's Mostly British-ish Adventure"

Day 1-7: Fly to San Francisco.  Experience the following: Chinatown, dim sum restaurant, Pier 39, trolley ride, cool neighborhoods, etc...

Day 8-14: Fly to England.  Experience the following: Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, 221B Baker St, famous Dr. Who locations, Stonehenge, etc...

Day 15-21: Drive to Scotland.  Experience the following: Historic churches, Lochness, the Highland Games (go at the right time of year for that), historic castles, Glenmorangie Distillery, Edinburgh's Royal Mile, etc...

Day 22-28: Fly to Ireland.  Experience the following: Cliffs of Moher, Guinness, Jamison, St. Patrick's Cathedral, Blarney Stone, Dublin, Lisdoonvarna, Down Patrick, Dunmore Cove, etc...

And my plan - also known as "Around the World in 12 More Days than we Were Supposed to Have"

Day 1: Fly to Key West

Day 2: Visit southernmost point in Continental US then go to nearest beach and drink and relax

Day 3: Swim in Caribbean, be at beach, relax like a monster, etc...

Day 4: Fly to Hawaii

Day 5-15: Experience the following: Volcano on the Big Island, scuba diving, historic sites, beach volleyball, Luau, spa days on the beach, ziplining, helicopter tour, hiking, surfing lessons, camping under the stars, visiting the southernmost point in the entire US, etc...

Day 16: Fly to Tokyo

Day 17-20: Experience the following: visit the city, karaoke, stay in a unique hotel, visit historic and cultural sites, visit a Shinto temple, etc...

Day 21: Fly to Norway

Day 22-25: Visit Charlotte and Celina who are amazing and experience the awesomeness of Norway

Day 26-27: Go up to the arctic circle and stay overnight to see the Northern Lights, etc..

Day 28: Fly to Paris

Day 29-31: Experience the following: Eiffel Tower, Champs-Élysées, fine French restaurants and historic sites, the Louvre, etc...

Day 32: Drive to Germany (Berlin) and experience the French countryside

Day 33-35: Experience the following: German historic sites, authentic German beer, fragments of Berlin wall, German local towns etc...

Day 36: Fly to NYC

Day 37-39: Stay in the same hotel as our first anniversary trip and visit some of the nostalgic spots as that trip - add in a new Broadway show, maybe a sports event, a romantic walk through Central Park and a nice romantic dinner at a fancy-pants restaurant, etc...

Day 40: Fly home

So those are our dream trips.  We also decided to start planning our honeymoon.  We didn't take one right after our wedding because we'd been in Michigan for a month with me working remotely so it seemed more appropriate to wait.  My previous boss (she has since retired) was incredibly kind to give us that time -- trading off an immediate honeymoon for the chance to be in state during the last weeks of planning for the wedding was absolutely the right thing for us.

We would HIGHLY recommend doing some of fun Escape Day exercises Justin and I did, even if it isn't the holiday anymore.  It was SO MUCH FUN and we got to really dream together about the trips and share our bucket list with one another.  I doubt we'll ever be able to take those trips as outlined, but over the course of a lifetime, we know all the places we're going to want to see.  Very fun!

January 29: National Puzzle Day

I love puzzles.  Solving things using logical deductions is my jam.  Justin is a fan as well, but in a different sort of way, which I will delight in explaining momentarily.  Because of that, we both figured that National Puzzle Day would be an insane orgy of puzzling madness.  Except here's the thing - Puzzle Day landed on a Wednesday and we both did a metric shit-ton of work and were exhausted.

We both did a few puzzles, but found joy in celebrating how puzzles appear in our daily lives instead of going out of our way to do additional puzzles.  Is that a total cop-out?  Yeah.  Yeah it is.  But this isn't your project so back the hell off.

BOOM.

So let's talk about the puzzles we encountered in our daily lives.  For those who don't know, in the last few months I moved onto the compensation team at my company.  We're the team responsible for determining how people get paid, what their level is, how the bonuses work etc...  So, you know, don't piss us off.  Actually, you're welcome to piss me off.  I have literally no control over the outcome of any of those decisions.  Not unlike my previous role, I am a data rat and I LOVE it.  My entire day is one big logic puzzle.  I take thousands of lines of data and make them make sense to other people.  It is amazing.

Also, I work on improving processes - which is the best puzzle there is.  Here is process improvement - the crash course: "we do things one way, but we're pretty sure we can do it better/faster/cheaper - so - fix it".  There is SO MUCH FREEDOM to just logic the shit out of it.  It makes my brain scream like a Baby Boomer at a Beatles concert.

Back when music was music.

Justin's puzzling experience was a bit more leisurely than mine - games that involve puzzles are one of his primary hobbies.  Remembering that I already admitted we copped-out a little - Justin played some games he really enjoys and we looked for puzzle type aspects to them.  The first was Pokemon something-or-other, which I previously knew nothing about through very deliberate action on my part.  Now I understand it a little.  So - there are this little freaky creatures and there's this child labor situation where kids catch them and train them to fight in a totally non-barbaric game version of cock fighting.  BUT - if you ignore the back-story, you can see the puzzles in the game.  Each of the fights requires the right choice of captured and broken (sorry, I mean trained) animal and the right choice of combat moves.

The other game he played was Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.  There are a ton of mini-puzzles along the way of the quest.  Within each section of each map there are multiple times the character has to jump on the right bricks or find the right switch or gather certain things in a certain order.  It is one big multi-level puzzle, but at least it finally pays off in the end.

...or not...

I also did a couple of rounds of Sudoku on my phone before calling it a night.  The double-edged sword of loving a job that is one giant and constant puzzle is that the end of the day can be pretty tiring.  And Justin so very sweetly takes care of me so we both kind of took the night off together.  Puzzle Day was a lot of fun and it was a neat thought exercise to look at things we do every day and see how they work the same part of the brain as puzzle games.