January 28: National Kazoo Day

I love National Kazoo Day with the childish glee of a sugar-high five-year-old.  As our first musical holiday, I'm just ecstatic that we managed to pick something that sounds like a cross between a melancholy duck and a long slow fart.  But, you know, with tone and pitch.

We didn't actually own any kazoos and it was Houston's version of an ice storm outside (you remember Houston's version of an ice storm - something also known as NOT REALLY AN ICE STORM).  Anyway, we weren't sure we wanted to leave the house just in case the lack of ice became sentient and attacked us or something.  Despite the real and present danger of simply existing somewhere with a temperature very slightly below 32 Fahrenheit, Justin braved the outside world and returned with a party package of kazoos and a comb.

It's a party in my mouth and... I'm not finishing that sentence

Why the comb?  Well, things got hairy for a while in there... pun intended... and we weren't sure we'd be able to find them in time.  So, because my family is awesome-sauce, my Uncle Carl recommended building a kazoo out of a comb and wax paper and I was instantly delighted that that possibility existed in the world.  Of course, we approached the playing of the kazoos with cautious moderation.

And quiet dignity.

Yeah - that's eight kazoos in my mouth.  What of it?  More importantly, it was a delightful learning experience.  For one, they were backwards and for two, the sound is made from vibrations in the kazoo so more than one or two and you can't form the sound the way you need to in order to make them play.  Once we set our sights on more reasonable goals (like playing a single kazoo), we were able to delight in their annoying annoying glory.

We walked around playing them for a while and doing our best and worst Donald Duck impressions before trying and terribly failing at the comb thing.  Like... failing.  Failing so hard I won't post a picture of it and you SEE what I'm willing to share on here.  If you want to fail hard at building a kazoo you can read up on it here.

Feeling we'd reached the pinnacle of our kazoo playing careers, we decided to release an electronic album, because that's what you do when you're no longer able to come up with your own music.

Still better than Nickelback.

Also, I spent the last whole hour of the night speaking in kazoo to Justin.  He has since hidden all of the kazoos, but I will find them and then EVERY DAY CAN BE KAZOO DAY!  Hooray for holidays built on being as annoying as possible.  Seriously though - it was a ton of fun because it was silly and lighthearted and goofy.  I enjoy snark with the best of them, but in all sincerity - the joy of these holidays is getting to be silly and that's been making every day better than the last.  We cannot wait for what the rest of the year brings!

January 27: Chocolate Cake Day

There are many kinds of cake - which are in no way created equal.  Pound cake is delightful.  Marble cake is delicious.  Angel food?  Lighter than the air we breathe and twice as sweet.  Seven layer orange ganache with a light citrus cream cheese frosting?  Impeccable!  Carrot cake?  AN AFFRONT TO ALL THINGS GOOD AND RIGHT IN THE WORLD.

Ya know what - let's not talk about carrot cake.  I find it offensive.  And it's not like something as shitty as a vegetable based cake could ever get its own holiday anyway.

 BLASPHEMY.

Not today, carrot cake.  Not today.  TODAY IS CHOCOLATE CAKE'S DAY.  Don't you dare ruin this!

Ahem, now as I was saying, there are many kinds of delicious cake (besides carrot), but the grand-daddy of 'em all is chocolate cake.  The best cake in the whole universe ever.  And it has a special holiday all to itself (so back the hell off, carrot).

We baked the cake the night before, in part as a continuing celebration of spouse's day by chillaxing in the kitchen together and partly because we decided the best way to celebrate the holiday was to share it with as many people as possible.  We made a small pan cake and a tray of six cupcakes.  That wasn't the plan - we just had extra batter.

Gorgeous!

ACTION SHOTS!

We bought a box of triple fudge chocolate cake from the store and brought it home to bake.  Then we dressed it up with chocolate frosting, chocolate sprinkles and sugar flowers because we're not animals.  Actually, part of the reason we did that was to pay homage to my first babysitter.  On my first birthday, she made me basically the same cake - triple chocolate with chocolate pieces, chocolate frosting, chocolate icing for the letters, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate sugary things, chocolate ice cream and chocolate milk.  Why, in God's name, would ANYONE give that much chocolate to a one year old?  Because my parents had a rule against chocolate before I turned one.  They were worried about me developing an allergy to it.  She was convinced it was some sort of human rights violation.

...an adorable human rights violation...

In addition to bringing in the cake, I also took one of the cupcakes (specifically the one with the A on it) into work to give one of my coworkers her own private mini-cake because it was the glorious anniversary of her illustrious birth.  Huzzah and hooray!

The cake was delicious and in-no-way even close to healthy.  It was also incredibly moist and "moist" is my new favorite word.  I'd like to find ways to work it into conversations that have nothing to do with food and just see what kind of reaction I get.  Like, "that's such a moist idea" or "what a moist suggestion".  I'm hoping for a 60/40 mixture of confusion and disgust.

Justin and I both like the food-based holidays.  They are very easy to celebrate and a lot of fun.  From my standpoint, I really enjoyed getting to share the holiday with my coworkers.  From Justin's standpoint (and this is true), he did most of the baking... so... those points go to him, were it a competition.  Which is isn't.  Because we're not animals.

Also.  Fuck carrot cake.

January 26: Spouse's Day

We were just so delighted to have a day on the calendar where we could celebrate our beautiful and totally not sappy love as a newly married couple.  I, for one, am so deeply disappointed that there aren't more days devoted to the exclusive celebration of the love of two people in an extremely open, public and offputing-to-singles kind of way.  Thank goodness for Spouse's Day, which may very well be our only opportunity to celebrate our own feelings for one another.

Indeed, no such other holiday exists.

Now, for the most part, Justin and I are deeply private about our adoration for one another.  People have gone weeks, if not months, without seeing any outward sign of affection from us.  Sometimes, you see, it is almost as if we are just friends.

It's not like we refer to each other with pet names....

Never.

...or pose for pictures together...

Nope.

...or kiss when someone might see us...

As-if.

SO JUST GIVE US OUR FREAKING LOVE DAY, DAMMIT.  As a straight, white, middle class American couple... I just wanna know... when is it OUR TIME?

Alright... I'm bored with that bullshit.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Writing it was fun.  As was Spouse's Day.  The reason we decided to celebrate it when it is fundamentally a second Valentine's Day is because there are different principles behind it.  Valentine's Day is about romance and wooing.  Spouse's Day, though a celebration of love as well, is more about the long-term commitment and security of marriage.  I know, I know... BORRRRRRRING.  But not for us because we're obnoxious and lovey-dovey newlyweds.

Reading about the holiday, we noted that different things were recommended for Spouse's Day than for Valentine's Day.  Rather than physical gifts, participants were implored to gift each other with time and affection.  Things that take more thought, consideration, knowledge or your partner and time.

We slept in.  Obvs.  Because sleep is amazing.  And also cuddles.  TMI?  L2D.*  After that it was brunch at Las Alamedas, eating outside on the patio.  It was delicious and we got to sit out in the sun and chat for almost an hour while we enjoyed it.

 Mmmmm... Breakfast tortilla chips.

After that we went home and traded massages.  Because marrying a massage therapist is not without its perqs.  We planned on booking a couple's massage for that day, but we couldn't find a good spa that was open on Sundays.  The chain places are open, but they aren't really great a lot of the time.  It was decidedly more romantic to stay home and do it there.

After that we just spent the day enjoying each other's company - talking about everything under the sun and focusing on one another.  Here's the thing - as newlyweds, I don't know that we got so so much out of this holiday.  We do the massage thing a decent amount because it's silly to spend money on massages when you're married to a therapist (and he can talk me through what to do well enough that my massage for him isn't entirely worthless).  We talk to each other constantly.  Like.  CONSTANTLY.  And we go out to eat a reasonable amount.  So what's the point?

The point is - we won't always do that.  What about this time next year?  What about once we've had kids?  What about in 10, 15, 20 years?  I would love to believe we will still show each other the same consideration, love, and attention then that we do now... but there's no guarantee.  Life gets in the way sometimes.  So while we didn't personally benefit significantly from a day of love and commitment this year - we TOTALLY get why this is an important holiday.  More couples should take a little time to care for and nurture each other - that is a different thing than romance and it deserves a different day.

And, honestly, even if it makes you a little gaggy from all the sugary sweetness, we all know the world would benefit from more love.

*For those who don't know my obnoxious acronyms by heart, "L2D", which is my favorite, stands for "Learn to Deal".  LOVE IT.

January 25: Visit Your Local Quilt Shop Day

Ahh our first consumerist holiday.  This one was mostly for me since Justin is not a big fan of the quilting.  I love it, but I don't do it enough.  Y'all who were part of the first adventure back in 2010 remember that my first quilt was made in a single day under my wonderful grandmother's tutelage.  She taught me everything she could, but I didn't discover the joy of quilting until February and by March she was gone.

Our quilt sits in a place of honor in my quilting room now.

Since then, quilting as been as much a joyful hobby as it is a way to remember her and hold her in my heart.  So while we usually would ignore the "Go Shopping and Spend Money" holidays, we decided we would do this one.  

This entry will be fairly short because, it goes somewhat without saying, there wasn't a whole lot happening that the title doesn't give away.  We.. visited our local quilt shop.  I will say that I love the shop near us.  The ladies are incredibly nice and always recognize us right away.  I'm guessing it has something to do with my skull cap wearing husband who always smiles warmly and carries my fabric around while I look at other colors and patterns.  I always try to carry it myself and he always stops me.

We found some lovely fabrics for a quilt I've been stalling on starting for a while.  The idea is about 3/4 fleshed out and I want to make sure it is right before I get going.  That said, once it is done, I will post pictures for any lingering oohs and ahhs (or ewws, I guess, but that would be kind of shitty to say).  As a holiday it was pretty chill and there wasn't much happening, but it did its job.  I'd been thinking about hitting the quilt shop for a while, but we kept prioritizing other things.  We made a point to go because of the holiday and that was nice.

January 24: Compliment Day

Today was National Compliment Day.  I think the holidays where we're directed to reach out and do something nice are my new favorites.  I remember being told at a young age by my parents that if I'm ever happy with the job someone did for me (as a restaurant for example), I should make a point to leave a comment or say something to management because most of the time people only say nothing or complain.  This is a holiday somewhat in that spirit.

Before leaving work on Thursday night, I wrote on our communal message board that it was Compliment Day on Friday... and then proceeded to work from home.  Why?  Because of Houston's SNOWPOCALYPSE of ought-14.

Quelle horreur!

Since we were at home, we also reached out to people online and over various forms of technology.  

We posted a reminder for people to compliment one another on Facebook that was picked up by a couple good friends of mine and led to some lovely words being shared, which was great to witness.  I also got a couple nice comments from a coworker that made my day a lot better and I picked a couple coworkers to send things to.  Here's what I noticed - complimenting someone can be really hard.

That sounds seriously narcissistic, but that's not how I mean it.  STAY WITH ME HERE.  The compliment itself is easy - formulating the thought is harder.  For example, one of the coworkers I sent a note to I think very highly of, but were it not for the holiday I would NOT be able to explain why.  I just... think... erm... the person just makes me smile.  Like - bad mood to good mood kind of thing.  So, without a holiday where we were forced to think about the specific good things about other people, I might never had told her that she makes people happy to be around.

We complimented each other too, which was a lot easier.  I tried to think about why that was.  Obvs, Justin likes me somewhat and I think he's super neato - but we also both think highly of other people and have things we like about other people.  It occurred to us as we talked about it that compliments, unless they are on a basic and observable trait, are actually pretty intimate.  Even though it is positive, complimenting someone is expressing an opinion on some aspect of who they are or what they do.

I think that is part of what stops people from saying nice things about each other - there is a sense that it will seem condescending or be taken the wrong way.  What we learned today was - don't let that stop you.  I mean, don't get all boundary oversteppy or whatever, obvs.  But compliments rock.  Do them more.  That is all.

January 23: National Handwriting Day

Today we celebrated our own handwriting.  It was significantly more interesting than that makes it sound.  For the holiday, we both wrote out handwriting samples and did a self-assessment of our personalities via our handwriting.  It was incredibly interesting and I would highly recommend doing it for yourself.  So, in lieu of a long entry with lots of snark, Justin and I decided we would post the results of our handwriting analysis for y'all to read and enjoy.  Note that there is a lot of overlap because, ya know, we're soulmates and whatnot.  And it was free so it is somewhat stock - but no less accurate.  Without further adieu - our handwriting analysis.

Well, after the jump, that is.

January 22: CIA Day

Well, I don't know about you, but I am so deeply comforted to know that the CIA is out there - watching out for us, watching us when we're sleeping and knowing when we're awake.  I'm just so comforted by their presence and, as an only child, well, they're like the sibling I never had.  An older sibling - who can keep me safe.  Protective and vigilant - like an older brother of some kind.

On this day in 1946, President Truman signed the executive order to establish the CIA and NIA out of some of what used to be the OSS during WWII.  SO MANY ACRONYMS.  Read about it.  I honestly find this stuff completely fascinating.  Back in 2010, on the original project, I took a trip to DC to visit the ever amazing Ben & Lisa, and we all went to the International Spy Museum.

What we learned as delightful and somewhat colored the holiday celebration this year.  For one, most codes are NOT hard to crack.  Spies seem to rely on the presumption that no one will know they're spies and therefore their code will just sound like the angry ravings of a depraved lunatic.  We took to Facebook to give it a whirl.

I blurred our names so none of you people would know who we are.

I talked in code to a couple of coworkers for a few minutes too, but mostly that was way too disruptive to be an actual work choice.  That and since we didn't actually have any secret messages to convey, it was more me saying "Look left against the wind" and coworkers saying "What?".  

Seriously though guys - SPIES ARE SO LAZY.  Detailed and classified information that could be devastating to the US government if it fell into the wrong hands?  Just throw that shit under a bridge*.  No one looks under bridges!  BRILLIANT.

Later, Justin and I practiced barrel rolls behind our furniture when we got home because at home NO ONE CAN JUDGE US.  Then we iced and took Aleve because we're not teenagers anymore.  

Last, and most central to the celebration, we watched an intensely serious and perfectly realistic CIA thriller.

Yup.  "Realistic".

Our inner nerds are loving the shit of out these historical holidays.  We've both been getting more into just... learning... in general.  I don't know if that's weird or not, but it is easy to not learn for a little while and forget how fun it is to discover new knowledge.  So thank you, benevolent government overlords, for your delightful and intricate history.

------------------------

*So, this is completely unrelated to the holiday, but holy shit google hates America.  I wanted to put a picture of a bridge to make a joke about an information drop so I went a'googling.  Check it out:

This is what I get when I google "country bridge":

Gorgeous.  Serene.  Beautiful.

And this is what I get when I google "American country bridge":

'Murica.

Nice.

January 21: World Hug Day

Let's just get this out of the way right now - I'm reasonably convinced my coworkers have come to believe I'm a lunatic.  I did not, however, force hug anyone in the office.  Justin and I both decided that the spirit of the holiday was more along the lines of "offer hugs to those who want them" than "hug everyone whether they like it or not".

Pictured: me in every single meeting today.

We both, instead, adopted a policy of free hugs for those who want them.  Justin did not have any takers, but then, if a guy walked up to you at the store and offered you a free hug, would you take him up on it?  Remembering that we're not living on or near a college campus and therefore you are unlikely to be on any kind of mind altering substance that would make you feel huggy?  Yeah, that's what I thought.

I also had very few takers.  One coworker saw me writing the holiday information up on a public message board so I got my first hug of the day.  Another was just as, if not more, into the holiday than me and, having hugged her dogs before coming to work (AMAZING), she gave me a hug before I got to my office.

Then it was calm for a while.  I offered, in a non-confronting kind of way, to various coworkers who I ran into over the course of the day.  A few took me up on it - most gave a kind of awkward "thanks but no thanks" kind of response.  

Yeah, we all know what you meant.

I had a several hour meeting with an outside vendor in the afternoon and I contemplated (and even mentioned to my boss) the possibility of offering each of our business partners hugs.  I decided against it because, in short, I like my job and would like to keep it.  Ever tell your boss something and see a smile and a laugh behind which obviously lies a voice screaming "you better be kidding right now - see how I'm laughing at your funny joke"?  It's kinda neat.  And also, I would never attempt to hug vendors in a business meeting because, again, I like my job.

When I got back from the meeting I found out hug day had spurred a lovely conversation among my coworkers about how wonderful hugs are......... for other people.  Best observation: "I don't like hugs, but I like people who like hugs".  

Which led me to think about something - it is actually pretty beautiful that we describe the act as "giving a hug", like it is a gift or an offering of some kind.  And that makes sense - when someone is sad, a hug comforts them.  When someone is happy, a hug shares their joy.  When someone is tired, a hug can feel restful.  When someone is excited, a hug magnifies it.  There's such a beautiful sense of empathy that hugging someone conveys - whatever they're feeling, another person can join them in that moment.  What a wonderful act it is to give someone a hug and what a beautiful holiday it was to celebrate that gift.

January 20: Penguin Awareness Day

Today was Penguin Awareness Day, begging the all important question of how one becomes aware of penguins.  And aren't we already aware of them?  I mean really.  I, for one, am aware of delicious, delicious penguins.  That's not true.  They taste terrible.

Don't cry, Penguin.  Your grossness is your salvation.

Oh nay nay - the awareness here refers to the shrinking habitat that many species of penguin have to endure because of climate change.  Man.  That shit's sad.  Luckily, Justin and I were able to single-handedly reverse all of the damage done by decades of climate change by sponsoring a penguin family.

Congratulations, [Your Name Here]!

Yes that's a cell phone picture.  DEAL WITH IT.  We planned weeks in advance (and this is true) to adopt a penguin family on Penguin Awareness Day and then completely forgot on the day of until, apparently, 10:24pm.  Luckily for us, the internet exists.

The adopting of a penguin family is actually a great program.  Defenders of Wildlife allows you to choose various levels of symbolic penguin adoption.  Do you want to save a penguin family?  Maybe save the penguin mommy and penguin babies because you don't want some penguin dude honing in on your ladybird?  That's sick.  You're sick.  Anyway, sicko, you can adopt a penguin family and the organization will use the money to lobby congress and other organizations to stop environmental policies that harm penguin populations. That's pretty neat.  Unless you're a penguin hating libertarian.

I also taught Justin the penguin dance - which was an AMAZING theater warm up I learned doing plays at East Quad.  The basic gist is that you stand there mimicking a penguin, one limb at a time.  So, first you're standing and just flapping your left arm like some kind of odd penguin moron.  Then you flap both arms.  Then you flap both arms and move one leg in a sort of lopsided stationary waddle.  Then you flap both arms and waddle with both legs.  And then - BEST PART - "penguins attack" - you waddle AT EACH OTHER in an adorable melee.  Amazeballs.

But Justin won the holiday:

SO MUCH THIS.

Despite the fact that Penguin Awareness Day has come and gone, we would highly recommend that people check out Defenders of Wildlife - they are doing good work and they're a highly rated charity (none of that lining their execs pockets BS).  And yes - you can still adopt a penguin family and get your very own non-personalized certificate to print at home.*

*I'm teasing - we'll get a real certificate and a penguin plushy, but it won't come for about a week.

January 19: National Popcorn Day

GUISE.  National Popcorn Day.  It is a real thing that really exists.  I woke up with the genuine sense that today would be a magical popcorn themed Christmas type holiday.  I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED.

Justin and I are already popcorn connoisseurs so we couldn't just... eat popcorn... and call it a holiday.  What kind of a cop out would that be?  Instead we picked a couple of popcorn related activities to do over the course of the day.

First we stared into the abyss and the abyss stared back into our souls.

I'm just shittin' ya.  We made Jiffy Pop.  It was amazing.  The heat, the anticipation, the... rhythmic circular motion of the handle... 

...

...

What were we talking about?

Take it off, you dirty girl.

After making the jiffy pop and taking cold showers, we held our very own popcorn taste test.  See, since we are popcorn gourmets, we both figured we would be able to taste each of our favorite brands without actually being able to see them.  It's a skill, like anything else.

The Lucky Charms marshmallows are palate cleansers

Our test subjects:

Pirate's Booty (it's puffed corn - it counts)

Smartfood

Popcorn Indiana White Cheddar and

The Jiffy Pop (so it didn't feel left out)

Justin got them 100% right, although he ALMOST got Smartfood and Popcorn Indiana confused.  It's good he corrected it before I had to point it out because I'm pretty sure that's grounds for divorce in 15 states.

Of course, I immediately made the same almost-mistake.

Because we're soulmates.

After the taste test, I made us a big bowl of fresh caramel corn and we watched Out Cold.  The movie choice is unrelated to the holiday.  I just think any holiday can be made better by adding a film in which Zach Galifianakis makes it with a hot tub.

I guess you had to be there.

Popcorn day was basically a normal Sunday for us, but with a lot more popcorn.  Which is never a bad thing.  On a more serious note - part of the reason popcorn day was so much fun is that we had no expectations for it.  That was one of the things we chatted about over the course of the afternoon.  Yes, we ate popcorn, but we really had a day that was a mix of joyful celebration and abject laziness - so, you know, perfect.  We've started thinking that maybe if there were fewer expectations about holidays, people would enjoy them more.  

Why does Christmas have to be a chore?  When did traditions become obligations?  And why the heck can't we all just hang out and eat some popcorn?  Just some things we've been musing on.

January 18: Winnie the Pooh Day

Happy Birthday A A Milne!

You handsome devil, you.

A A Milne, if you don't recognize the name, is the author of Winnie the Pooh and my new hero and best friend ever.  I probably saw Winnie the Pooh as a child, but I didn't grow up on it the way some kids did.  Justin can recall seeing an episode or two of the TV show so he took the lead on the holiday, looking up several activities for us and planning them out.  I delighted in tagging along for the day.

First we spent the better part of the morning being bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy and fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.  Then we watched the new episode of Sleepy Hollow, which, while not part of the holiday, did give me a profound sense of connection with Piglet.  

Pictured: me watching Sleepy Hollow

As we did our holiday research, we discovered that Milne wrote the stories about stuffed animals owned by his son.  This revelation brought me absolute and immense joy as most of my childhood stories featured stuffed animals or real animals that I owned as a child.  There was Super Sparky the Wonder Corgi who chased away all my bullies.  There were Sluffy and Scotty, the trusty teddies who even missed me when I went away to college.

Actual picture I was actually sent by my actual and awesome parents in my freshman year of college

So while I didn't know much of Winnie the Pooh, the idea of anthropomorphic stuffed animals is deeply nostalgic and beautiful for me.  More recently, many of you know that Justin and I share our house with a lovely little Piggie of our own named Oliver.  He's similar to a dog or baby in that we love him an almost inappropriate amount.  He's different in that he doesn't eat, sleep or breathe.  We decided Oliver should join us for our Winnie the Pooh viewing though because, well, he's part of the family.

 Yes that is a bowl of Lucky Charms marshmallows.  He's a spoiled Piggie.

All kidding aside - we're not big into watching kid's movie as adults so we kind of expected the movie part to be an exercise in boredom.  WE WERE SO WRONG IT'S EMBARRASSING.  Seriously, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is amazing!  I defy anyone to name a better movie.  In any genre.

WRONG.

I was blown away.  The puns, the meta-jokes, even the simple kid's jokes - they were all hilarious.  The characters were adorable, but not in an annoying trying-too-hard-kind of way.  Honestly, when we go to have kids, I'm going to spend the entire third trimester watching the movie on repeat in hopes the kid absorbs its lessons by osmosis.  I KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

The point is - it was wonderful.  Really genuinely so.  We also had our fun with unusual snacks at Justin's recommendation.  We shared honey hunny bread.  He picked up hunny-nut cream cheese spread (for the most subtle, grown up palate) and we had Texas wildflower hunny for me... because I am five.

Om nom nom.

Lastly, Justin said we should design our own tree house, a la the creatures of Winnie the Pooh.  I wasn't sold on the idea until Justin found our graph paper and then my inner German exclaimed forcefully with joy.  I'm not gonna lie - I would totally live in the tree house I designed.

I might upgrade the outhouse though.

I forgot how much fun drawing and other random creative pursuits could be.  Justin picked absolutely amazing activities for today.  I will admit I wasn't completely looking forward to the holiday because I hadn't seen much Winnie the Pooh as a child - I'm so glad we celebrated it.  Despite still being a ways out from having a little one, it is nice to know there are brilliant stories that we can show them and enjoy ourselves.  So happy birthday, A A Milne, you beautiful genius!

January 17: Judgment Day

Shortly before the new year, we watched This is the End with my parents.  As you know, it was a deeply thought provoking and serious look at the end times and how they would arrive.  No.  Not really.  It was honestly the stupidest movie I have ever seen in my entire life.  Although I did enjoy the part where James Franco was devoured by cannibals.

Because James Franco

It also got us thinking a little about the apocalypse so when we saw that one of the possible holidays was Judgment Day, we decided it was a good choice for us.  The holiday wasn't exactly what we thought it would be.  Turns out, Judgment Day was less about the apocalypse and more about our own personal judgment.  The holiday was created so that people would pause and contemplate their own lives and whether they were worthy of entering heaven.

Yea - that's exactly as much of a downer as it sounds.  It was also a good exercise.  It is easy to fall into a pattern of rote memorization and forget to really contemplate and consider our lives.  It can be a common problem - recently the Pope spoke out against people simply 'parroting' the words of Catholic prayers instead of focusing on the meditations those prayers are meant to reflect.  So today we reflected on our lives with seriousness of purpose and true focus.

We set out to be a little ambitious with our meditations for the sake of the holiday.  To be blunt - much of the detail of our contemplations are deeply private, so there won't be a lot of detail in this particular entry.  First we thought about and discussed whether, under our current religious beliefs, we would likely go to heaven based on how we're living.  Over the course of the day, we both found ways we could be better people and are both going to help each other work on that.  I will share my main area of focus so people have a general sense of what we discussed.  I can be very impatient and getting easily annoyed with people makes it hard to live up to the call of Mark 12:31 to 'love your neighbor as yourself'.  So I am going to meditate, pray more and work on being more patient with people.

We also decided, as a thought exercise, to look at other religions and see if we would likely go to heaven under those religious teachings.  Now, for the sake of the exercise we made one assumption -- that we believed in the religion for the purpose of the exercise.  See, a good chunk of religions automatically exempt you if you don't believe and that defeated the purpose of the exercise so we removed that issue.  Meaning: "If we were Jewish/Muslim/Hindu etc... would we be living our lives in a way that would lead to heaven or that religion's conception of heaven?".

Here were our conclusions and general explanations based on a great summary site we found:

Atheism:

Moot.

Because Atheism.

Baha'i:

Hell, but eventually Heaven.

The religion focuses very heavily on God's laws and we have very few specific rules or traditions that we follow so we'd be hard-pressed to argue entry after this life.  That said, the religion also believes in the continuous progress of the soul so eventually our souls would make it into heaven.

Buddhism:
Reincarnation - not Nirvana just yet.

Certain parts we work towards - right intentions and meditation.  Other parts we aren't hitting - like living as simply as we can.  We're a ways off from Nirvana still.

Christianity:
Heaven.

Because of the nature of the exercise and the main principle behind Christianity (if you let Jesus into your heart then you are saved), we would be going to heaven just because of the starting condition of belief.  That said, outside of the exercise, we both attempt to live by the words I quoted earlier in the entry - Mark 12:30-31.  In short - love your God above all others and love your neighbor as yourself.  While definitely not perfect, our attempts are genuine.  So there's that.

Confucianism:
Unknowable, but we're doing mediocre since we don't often think as much about our ancestors as we could.

Per the site: "Confucianism concentrates on appropriate behavior in life, not a future heaven. The afterlife is unknowable, so all effort should be made to make this life the best it can be, to honor ancestors, and to respect elders."

Eastern Orthodox:
Purgatory (though not named that) and then hopefully Heaven.

In this denomination, belief is not enough.  Over time, a process called 'theosis' in which the believer alters his or her behavior to be as Christ-like as possible.  While we try to live a good life, we don't do it even close to flawlessly.  The religion believes that those who don't successfully complete theosis go to that middle place and either go to Heaven because enough people pray for them or to Hell because not enough people pray for them.  So... we're hopeful is about the best we could say.

Hinduism:
Reincarnation for a while.

Hinduism believes that over time people are freed from bad karma by ridding themselves of evil intent and evil action.  I would LOVE to claim we are there - fully loving - no anger or evil intent at all.  I can truthfully say that we don't indulge in evil action or intent.  However, who among us doesn't kneejerk to some serious anger in rush hour traffic and/or long meetings?  That impatience is what kills us on this one.  There are also dietary restrictions that we have in no way been following.

Islam:
Hell.

Why?  Because in addition to belief there is a focus on good deeds outweighing the bad.  We undertake very few religious rituals, fasts, etc... which makes it hard to argue we would be saved in Islam.  We could also, if we're being blunt here, do more for charity.  We have the good intention to, but one of the things that came out of our meditations today was that we should do more good works for people - so in a religion that calls on its followers to perform good deeds, it wouldn't make sense for us to believe we were going to Heaven as things stand right now.

Jainism:
Not liberated.

Jainism doesn't have a Heaven in the traditional sense - but instead a state of being in which the soul is cleansed of its bad karma and becomes liberated and perfect.  As we noted in the section on Hinduism - we're still a ways off from that state.

Jehovah's Witnesses:
Hell.

Definitely Hell.  Among other teachings about the limited seating available in Heaven (144,000), there is also a direct call for proselytizing in the religion.  Not only do we both not do that - outside of the exercise - we both directly and specifically choose not to attempt to share our faiths unless we already know the person we're speaking of is receptive to it.  So... Heaven is out in this religion.

Judaism:
Hell.

Again we're stuck on the good deeds and devotion.  As we talked about in the Tu B'Shevat entry, we are not well versed in following spiritual laws and we need to be more charitable.  As I read these, I kind of wonder if Christianity and spirituality spoils us a little bit.  Just saying.

Mormonism:
Second Heaven, but not the Highest Heaven.

We are both baptized and have belief, which is all that is required for the Second Heaven via general salvation.  For the Highest Heaven, there are other requirements.  A person has to be baptized in the Mormon church, believe, be a church member, be the recipient of a laying on of hands, obey several laws of the church and of God and complete certain rituals.  We aren't even CLOSE on that last part.

Roman Catholicism:
Purgatory.

We were both baptized - Justin in the Catholic church and I in the Lutheran church.  While that might seem like it wouldn't count, the church allows for a baptism of desire - meaning wanting desperately to be saved.  Having converted to Christianity later in life, my desire to be Christian is clear.  That said, we have the good works and laws situation again.  Neither of us are particularly great with the law following thing - so if folks could totes pray a lot for us so our stay in Purgatory is short... that would be appreciated.

Scientology:
No salvation.

There are specific procedures required within Scientology to achieve salvation - the clearing of traumas from previous lives through specific rituals - and we haven't done anything even remotely like that.

Sikhism:
Reincarnation.

Similar to Hinduism, except monotheistic.  We don't meditate or pray as much as we could and that is what is required to be freed of additional reincarnations.

Shinto:
Reincarnation.

There used to be a hellish afterlife tradition, but now much of the belief system to Buddhism has been adopted from an afterlife standpoint.  Because of that, our answer is the same as it was for Buddhism.

Taoism:
Reincarnation.

As with Shinto - the afterlife beliefs shifted from what they were to mirroring Buddhism so our answer is again the same.  Taoism had a much more detailed and complex afterlife tradition though where people could eventually become immortal and that was pretty neat.

Unitarian-Universalism:
Heaven.

Unitarianism is very open in its options - there is very little proscribed for practitioners, but they are asked to seek enlightenment and attempt to live a good and moral life.  That is a bar we are hitting pretty solidly.

Wicca:
Reincarnation or Heaven.

There is a believe about being connected with the Goddess, rather than a traditional afterlife.  Similar to many of the eastern religions, there is a believe in reincarnation until a soul becomes connected enough with the Goddess to become one.  Karma enters into things, but not in preventing salvation.  Instead, bad karma is seen as impacting the person three-fold in this lifetime.  We both could meditate a lot more, but this religion is so individualistic, I can't say for sure whether we're close to salvation under its rules or not - so I decided to leave it as possibly either.

Zoroastrianism:
Hell and then Heaven.

Zoroastrianism says that salvation is dependent on righteousness and good works, but it also says that Hell isn't permanent.  So, based on our answers for other parts, our guess is that we'd have to spend some time down in Hell, but would eventually make it up to Heaven.  We definitely try, but we could also be better so I would hesitate to put us straight into Heaven.

---------------------

So wow.  Very serious holiday and also a very difficult exercise.  Justin and I both try very hard to be good people, treat each other and the people we know with kindness and respect.  However, when doing an exercise like this, it really made it clear how much more good we could be doing.  We are both going to be thinking about the lessons of this holiday for a long time.  Not promising anything, but we may check back in with this one later (as in after the end of the year).  Neither of us want to distract from the other holidays by looping back to this one, but it was seriously jarring to think about how much more piousness would be required to attain salvation in most religions.

As our holidays go, I honestly believe this one was the most serious and meaningful we've had so far.  I hope reading about it hasn't been too much of a downer, but we wanted to take the opportunity to be as open and honest about our meditations as we felt comfortable with to really explore the purpose of the day.  On a MUCH lighter note - the next holiday is Winnie the Pooh Day - whew!

January 16: Tu B’Shevat

Happy New Year, various trees!

Today we celebrated Tu B'Shevat, which is known as the New Year for the Trees in Judaism.  We had SO MANY good intentions for this day and basically only a couple of them succeeded.  So, in that sense, it was exactly like any other New Year's celebration.  So new, so full of promise, so many resolutions to give up on within a couple weeks.

Go home, tree.  You're drunk!

As our holidays go, this was actually one of the more serious ones - with a long and storied set of traditions. You know what that means!  History lesson time!

In Leviticus, it states that the fruit of a tree cannot be eaten until it is at least three years old.  The fourth year, the fruit is for God and after that you get to eat it.  Okay?  Does that mean we have to have freaking tree birthdays?  Oh, this fig tree is a Taurus, so it is totally stubborn.  At least it isn't flaky like the damn Leo lemon tree!  Oops, forgot astrology was verboten - now what?  Enter Tu B'Shevat - a single standard day marking the new year for the trees.  Like a super solemn group birthday party at God's metaphorical bowling alley. 

I know you wanted a skating party, Weeping Willow, but you need to stop pouting about it.

If a tree is planted before Tu B'Shevat, it begins its second tree year the very next day and gets teased by all of the older trees for being the smallest tree in class.  The traditional celebration around Tu B'Shevat is not mentioned in the Torah, but is referenced in the Mishnah, which is a book that compiles many of the oral traditions of Judaism not captured anywhere else.

Several traditions have sprung up around the observance over the course of the centuries.  People generally eat fruit, eat from the Seven Spices of Israel, plant trees, meditate on what it means to be "a tree of the field" and (in Kabbalah) have a Seder.  We intended to do all of those things.  In the days before the holiday, Justin called a tree service and had them come out and remove a diseased tree from our back yard to make room for the lovely citrus tree we intended to plant.

The shovel is SO MUCH creepier than I thought when I first loaded these.

...and then we realized it takes longer than 48 hours to secure and plant a tree.  Before anyone says 'I told you so'... don't.  Justin told me so.  I've been told so.  I was so very and completely... told so.  He was sweet enough to call several nurseries in the area just to see if it was a possibility and to go buy a shovel for the entirely NOT creepy purpose of digging the hole for the new tree.  But we weren't able to make it happen.

That's okay though - there are lots of other things we can do to observe the holiday - let's talk about the food stuff.  First and foremost, it being a Jewish holiday, one of the least things we could do was take a serious college try at keeping kosher for the day.  The point of this yearlong adventure (besides having an excuse to wear amazing hats at work) is to experience different cultural traditions firsthand.  So we really should try this whole kosher thing the kids are raving about.

Oh boy...

That picture, by the way, is the ENTIRE contents of our meat drawer.  WE LITERALLY ONLY OWN PORK.  WHAT THE SHIT, MAN.  Luckily, we have canned peas and kosher salt.  YUM, GUISE!  So I managed to cobble together something resembling a lunch.  We dug to the very back of the fridge and found some leftover chicken that is almost undoubtedly lacking the necessary blessings, but which we decided would count in the spirit of the exercise.  

Fun fact: Starburst are NOT kosher because of gelatin used as a binding agent in the candy.  That wasn't welcome news at 3pm when I was willing to throw my cashews out the window as soon as look at them.

Justin made a solid college try at being kosher, but found that old habits die hard.  While in line at Subway, he did not hesitate to get cheese on his cold cut sandwich before doing a quick double take and realizing what he'd done.  That said, and this is unrelated to the holiday, Justin gets a full and total pass on keeping kosher because he cleaned our bathroom within an inch of its life, for several hours.  The man scrubbed grout on his hands and knees.  He gets some freaking bacon if he wants it.

When I got home, we worked on cooking a kosher dinner (spaghetti, tomato sauce and the five of the Seven Spices for the Seder).  We ran into several problems.  For one, parmesan cheese, by its nature, is not kosher - one of the curdling agents used has animal byproducts.  For two, we don't know most of the kosher symbols.  We spent all day looking for a K inside a shape and being confused and frustrated by the U with a circle around it that we didn't understand.

HULK NEED TO CHECK LABEL AGAIN

We did manage, as I mentioned, to serve five of the Seven Spices.  The are: wheat, barley, figs, dates, pomegranates, olives and grapes.  We missed barley and figs.  Dates are gross.  I've grown to have a begrudging respect for olives.  We focused our energy on the pomegranates, wheat and grapes and that was a good decision.  While Justin cooked the pasta (for our wheat), I read from the Seder text that I'd found.

I will say that I think we did a good job meditating on being trees of the field.  The Seder text had a lot of really wonderful symbolism about growth, trees and what it means to honor God's gifts on the earth.  It was a new line of thought for both of us and we had a long and meaningful spiritual discussion over the course of dinner.  I've mentioned our religious beliefs here before - the fact is - though we differ in our conclusions, our logic and general faiths are very much the same.  That is a lot of what we were reminded of in our Tu B'Shevat meditations and that was lovely.

We did not perform the entire Seder.  We read into it and, in a similar vein to our Fete du Vodoun celebration, we decided that performing the full Seder would not necessarily be the act of respect that we intend it to be.  We decided that upon reading some of the early paragraphs that talk about eating the fruit as an honor to God, rather than for personal or earthly reasons.... and since we are kind of exactly doing the latter by celebrating these holidays... yeah.  See what I mean?  While for me, all things are for God's glory, I have to say that these holidays are for our personal joy and pleasure.  It didn't seem appropriate to perform the Seder given that understanding.

So there were a lot of things we intended to do, but didn't manage.  We don't consider it a failed holiday though.  For one, we both learned A LOT about this holiday and its traditions.  For two, we both gained some empathy for people who adopt a restricted diet for religious reasons.  We knew it was difficult, but it was a lot harder than we even realized.  And finally, the meditation was beautiful and inspiring.  I know I've said it a lot and I'm kind of counting down the days until it loses all meaning - but today was a great, great day!

January 15: National Hat Day

Today was National Hat Day - an honest and upstanding celebration of the majestic hat.  Mostly, it was an excuse to wear a hat in an otherwise professional place of business.  Justin and I took on different tasks - he wore several hats - going for volume - and I went for absurdity by wearing my best Michigan winter monstrosity at work all day.

See, this is not one of those holidays that breeds a lot of introspection or contemplation - I mean, I'm sure we could've meditated on how all people 'wear different hats throughout their lives' or some other bullshit.  BUT WE DIDN'T.  SO THERE.  Besides, there isn't a long and storied history with deeply held traditions or anything so we totally got to call the shots.  It is, without a doubt, the most straightforward and easy to understand holiday we've had all year.  It is National Hat Day.  Today we wear hats.  Mostly, I LOVE the fact that this holiday fell on a Wednesday, because it was....

HAT DAAAAAAAY.  YEEEAAAAAAHHHH!

I picked my least professional looking hat with the primary goal of seeing just how long my coworkers would take me seriously wearing it.  I made it through my first meeting unscathed for two reasons -- it was with team members to whom I could simply explain the project and because they're cool people.  Other coworkers strove for politeness, but clearly believed I had lost my mind.  I was asked the exact same question - as in verbatim and with the same intonation - no fewer than six times.  

Coworker: *looks at me*, *sees hat*, *attempts to ignore*, *cannot ignore and begins staring*

Me: Hi, [coworker], how are you?

Coworker: Goooooooood... umm... so... umm... are you cold?

Seeing the pattern, my answers got steadily snarkier throughout the day.

1st: Explained the holiday politely and went about my business.

2nd: Explained the holiday more briefly and tried to slip away.

3rd: "I just like hats"

4th: "Hats are for winners"

5th: "Yup"

6th: "Nope, burning up.  Why?"

For the most part, everyone's reaction was highly predictable.

Except Kevin, who is basically the paparazzi.

For his part, Justin had a much less eventful day.  He changed into four different hats over the course of the day and had the sexiest hat head in the history of hair.  But honestly - it was pretty chilly outside in Houston.  If I weren't inside, in an office building and (theoretically) attempting to pass as an adult, I think I could've flown under the radar as well.

Not sure how this one avoided commentary though...

National Hat Day was a lot of fun - it was easy, lighthearted and goofy.  In that sense, it was the ideal holiday - a day about celebrating happiness for happiness sake.  So it didn't really matter that there weren't set traditions or a long history behind it - it was pure and simple and joyful and that doesn't suck at all.

January 14: Assembly Line Day

There is no holiday, no celebration, no observance more exciting than today!  Who can dispute the overwhelming joy and excitement accompanying modern workplace efficiency.  I, for one, am all a twitter.

Guess what time it is now?  Time for the only thing drier than that intro: a history lesson!

YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

See, back in 1908, the Model T debuted and changed the world basically, like, forever and junk.  While cars besides the Model T existed in the same time period, they were each unique creations that weren't mass produced.  Henry Ford, when he wasn't being all Nazi-ish, was coming up with one of the most important innovations of the 20th century.  

In 1910, Ford introduced interchangeable parts to his sweet, sweet rides.  Why does that matter?  Because now people could sub in the part they needed if the car broke down.  That made his Model Ts instantly one of the most popular machines on the road.

I'm sexy and I know it

For the next roughly four years, production was moving smoothly, all while Ford was building a whole new facility - one designed from top to bottom to accommodate a new production technique.  Whereas whole cars were previously assembled one-by-one, on January 14, 1914 the first Model T rolled off a brand spankin' new assembly line.

Happy Birthday, inanimate object!

In honor of the centennial anniversary of the modern assembly line's first baby car, we decided to adopt assembly line techniques in our lives for the day.  It was not NEARLY as doable with just two of us as I thought it would be.  A few days before the holiday, we decided on a dinner that we thought would allow us to used an assembly line technique for the preparation.  Meatballs.

First we laid out all our 'interchangeable parts'

Turns out, two people can't assemble dinner in assembly line style while one of them takes pictures.  Who would've thunk it?  We talked a lot about assembly lines, researched the history behind the technique and studied how they worked.  At first it was upsetting that we didn't manage to put it into practice.

Then we got the hell over it.

We sat down and chatted about it later that night and realized we'd used a different production technique - we divided the labor to avoid a waste of time as a resource - while Justin took one the single, most involved task (the meatballs), I did everything else around him.  And that makes sense - when one task takes 2x the time, you put 2x the resources behind it or you load up the other resource on all the smaller tasks to balance the time through the production line.

So... mission accomplished?  

Yup.  Mission accomplished.