I'm what you'd call.... a tightly-wound person. I don't consider that a bad thing. For all intents and purposes, it got me into law school and has done a considerable amount to keep me in law school now that I'm here. That being said, having cultivated such a persona does tend to put knots in one's back.
About once every year or two years I start to get some serious pain in my back along my shoulder blades. Anyone in a computer-intensive job should recognize this as the natural result of sitting in an unnatural position. That pain means you need to stretch more. Or, if you're a Warcraft player, that you need to take a five minute pizza break before resuming play. Either way, that's your muscles screaming for some lovin'.
Generally speaking I get a deep tissue massage. These are not what most people think of when they think of a massage. Close your eyes and think about getting a massage. Let me guess. You're in a towel, the man or woman giving the massage is noticeably more attractive than most people, there is a feint scent of lilacs and honey and, most importantly, a deep sense of relaxation in the room.
Note the smile, indicating satisfaction.
No, no... the massages I get are, perhaps, the last legalized form of torture. I don't know super crazy lots about anatomy, but I do know that muscles form knots that you can actually feel from outside of your body. Meaning, if a masseuse runs his hands along the muscle with moderate pressure, he will feel small lumps where the knots are. The last time I got a deep tissue massage, the masseuse got confused, at first, about how bad my back was. You see, the muscle in the left center of my back felt, in his words, "like a rope ladder". That's promising. The muscle on the right didn't seem to have any knots at all though. Then he realized that it had compressed entirely into a single, Kristen's-back-sized knot, running from the top of my shoulder blade down to right above my hip bone.
Now. In a relaxing, delightful massage, like the one pictured above, a good masseuse will try to get some of the easier knots out, but essentially focus on making your back feel as good as possible. That's not why I go. That would be indulgent. And I am a warrior. Instead, I go so that, to the best of his ability, the masseuse can remove every trace of knotting in my back in one session. This involves... a little bit of pain.
Or a lot of pain.
Being not particularly in the mood for someone to purposely hurt my back, leaving lingering soreness for days, I decided to be indulgent. I decided I would have a hot stone massage for my activity of the day. Now, given my track record and reasoning for getting massages, I assumed a hot stone massage would be the usual torture, but with the addition of, you know, burning.
Is it called paranoia if they're actually trying to kill you?
I was so delightfully and amazingly wrong. For the first time, in a long time, I was able to have the kind of massage people think about when they think of massages instead of the thinly-veiled masochism I was enjoying before. Here's the thing about the hot stones, and why they are awesome. They are basalt (volcanic stones) and because of that, they hold heat a lot longer. That's what makes them ideal for massages. The masseuse heats the water up and puts the stones in there while the first part of the massages is going (basic muscle loosening and whatnot). Then she will take them and run them along the muscles in the back before placing them at key stress points along the back muscles and spine.
The heat from the stones opens up the muscles. This is, from what I understand, a temporary effect. Meaning, it causes the muscles to lose their knots and tightness while the heat is directly on them. That allows the masseuse to get in and work away the tension and knotting... without me having to yelp in pain. And by the way - it works. Boy does it work. My back feels as loose as it ever did after one of the massages I would get before, but I didn't spend the whole day asking myself why in that annoying, movie, moany voice. Whhhhhyyyyyyyy??????
The place I went to offers the hot stone massage for ten dollars more than a regular massage. Its ten dollars I will spend every time from now on. It was an absolutely delightfully relaxing time. I know, now, why people like massages. I assumed it was because they no longer had tension in their backs. Who knew they were actually fun?
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